Dear Moms,
I want to wish you a very happy Mother’s Day. Mother’s Day is filled with so many mixed emotions.
You might be grieving your own mom or child.
You might be trying to become a mom.
Maybe you feel completely exhausted.
Maybe you don’t speak to your mom.
Maybe you don’t like your mother-in-law.
Maybe your kids aren’t local.
Maybe you are excited about Mother’s Day.
Maybe you can’t wait to see the homemade gifts your kids were excited to make in school. I want to stop and give a huge shout out to all the teachers who are busy putting together Mother’s Day gifts with their classes for all the moms. Those were my very favorite gifts.
I have had the honor of being a mom for over 18 years. My son is 18, but I became a mom the second I became pregnant with him. Over those 18 plus years, I have had the absolute pleasure of getting to speak to so many moms. I know how moms feel about Mother’s Day, and I want to try to help. Let’s see if I can make Mother’s Day a little bit better for you this year.
My “prescriptions” for Mother’s Day:
A moment for You
I want to begin with asking you to take a moment for yourself. If you have little kids, ask your husband to give you X amount of time to: read, watch a show, go for a walk, have a cup of coffee. I hope you will take a few minutes just for yourself. If you are single and able – I hope you can get a few minutes with yourself.
Lower Your Expectations
I used to set myself up for failure every Mother’s Day. It doesn’t have to be perfect. I tend to go to Glen Falls to take photos with my kids. It rains almost every year, and I get upset. I don’t need the perfect photo. I don’t need the perfect family. My kids don’t need to act perfectly. I suggest that if we set ourselves up that it’s not going to look a certain way that we will be happier.
Pick one thing
Instead of a list for the day, why don’t you choose just one thing that you want to do. A family walk, a family dinner, brunch, an adventure…. try to pick one thing that will make you happy.
Tell Them
I have had so many moms say these words to me, “My family should just know what I want.” Why do we expect them to observe us and know what makes us happy. Why can’t we just tell them? If we tell them we make all of us happy. Our family is happy because they know what we want. We are happy because we get what we want. It’s a win/win by telling them. If you don’t tell them – then make a decision to be happy with whatever they decide to do for you.
People treat us how we allow
You may be thinking, “What’s the point of telling my family what I want. I won’t get it.” How did you get there? You got there by not communicating and following through with your needs and wants. You set the tone. Set the tone for some Mother’s Day celebrating!
Know What you Want
Do you know what you want to do on Mother’s Day? I just want a family dinner. If you don’t know – this is your invitation to think about it.
Do something for your loved one
Every year on Mother’s Day, my mom goes to the cemetery. She usually plants some flowers for her mom. She has a routine to honor her mom every year. I want to suggest to all of you to find a way to celebrate the loved one that you are missing. Remember that you are a mom and your mom or lost child or soon to be child would want you to be celebrating yourself. If you are trying to become a mom – I hope you can honor yourself and I hope that your wish becomes a reality for you.
No Guilt or Shoulds
Today is a day that I want you to ban any guilt or shoulds from your vocabulary. I should do the laundry. I should spend time with my kids. I should go for a run. I want today to be about what you want to do. I am not going to tell you that it will be free of chores. I may spend the day at my parent’s house doing laundry because my washing machine is broken (waiting for parts). I have heard many moms say that if Mother’s Day doesn’t have chores involved then it leads to extra work another day. You could do it the day before. You could do it on Mother’s Day. You could get that family team of yours to pitch in. I don’t care if you do chores – I care if you should or guilt yourself. I would like to get rid of that every day. Let’s start with getting rid of it on Mother’s Day.
Make it about what really Matters
What really matters to you? My family is what really matters to me. I have all three kids home with me this Mother’s Day. I am going to treasure that this year because I don’t know what next year will bring. Next year may be a trip to Cornell to see my son! I don’t know the college schedule yet and I am entering a whole new world. Make it about what really truly matters to you. Most moms will tell me time with their family is what matters to them. Some moms will tell me that they want to run away for the day. I am giving you permission to do that. Just let your family know! Don’t just disappear. Let them know that you need the day to regroup and then go take time for yourself guilt free. Do what matters to you.
Find reasons to be Happy with Yourself
This is not the day to start a laundry list of everything you do wrong as a mother. Today is a day to think about reasons that will make you feel happiness. Think about who you are. Think about how much you do. Think about what you did well this year as a mom. You are welcome to make a mom goal for the next year as long as you aren’t criticizing yourself in the process. My new mom goal is to support my son on his new adventure to college.
I hope that you can take something away from this to help you have a better Mother’s Day this year. I hope you feel loved. I hope you feel celebrated. I hope you feel appreciated. I would love to see every family make every mom feel the love on Mother’s Day. I also know that as nice as it is to get that from our families that we can also give ourselves love and appreciation.
Give yourself love.
Give yourself appreciation.
Celebrate yourself.
You are worthy. You are enough. You are doing a good job. Perfect children is not what it’s about. It’s about continuing to show up for yourself and your kids.
Happy Mother’s Day from my heart to all of you moms. Moms have superpowers that no one but another mom can understand. I see you.
Laughing, Learning, Loving,
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
xoxo
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