My daughter’s Bat Mitzvah was last Saturday. It was the hardest event I have ever pulled off. My daughter Lillie is a budding interior designer. She had in her head how she wanted it to look, and she wanted to make her vision come to life.
She said, “Mom, I want a ton of decorations. I want lots of flowers and a balloon arc. I want my name in lights. I want a lot of lights.”
We planned the Bat Mitzvah for months and I booked the place, the photographer, the DJ, ordered the cake, cookies, and food. My friend and I ordered lots of supplies for the party. I made picture boards. Our wonderful graphic designer designed a sign for Lillie and invitations. I made Lillie a photo album that was dedicated to just her. I worked hours and hours on the Bat Mitzvah.
I can’t even begin to tell you how thankful I am to Sto Lat for allowing us to come in the day before to decorate. My Saturday was packed, and I didn’t know how I was going to do it. I didn’t want it to all fall on my friend Clare to set up on Saturday. We took three very long hours to decorate. I was ready to leave, and Lillie exclaimed, “I’m not done.” Thankfully my husband, daughter Ella, and mom came to help us set up. Not only did my mom set up for hours with us – she also finished the seating chart for me when I got really frustrated. It takes a village!
As Lillie talked about decorations over and over again, I kept reminding her what the Bat Mitzvah was really about. The service – the real part – wasn’t stressing me out at all. The service was great. What is the Bat Mitzvah about –
Reading from the Torah.
Continuing a tradition that has been passed down from generation to generation.
Family.
Friends.
Being together.
Our community.
What is the Bat Mitzvah not about –
The details! The decorations!
Lillie, Ella and I all got our hair and make up done. We were feeling pretty and ready to party.
Let’s talk about what went right!!!
The service was absolute perfection. Rabbi Alex, Cantor Arlene, Joanne and Harvey helped make possible the most beautiful, perfect, meaningful service. Rabbi Alex and Bruce really had me crying with their speeches. Our Rabbi did Lillie’s baby naming at our house when she was one years old. He has been with us through it all. Bruce worked with my husband Seth for over a decade and also knows my family very well. Bruce is very involved at our synagogue, and it was so special to have both Bruce and Rabbi Alex speak at the service. I can’t tell you how absolutely perfect the service was. Not to mention that Lillie did a fantastic job! She studied for months to do her service, and it really paid off.
Fun fact: Lillie wore my grandpa Hyman’s tallis that my son Max, daughter Ella, nephew Chase and nephew Ashton all wore at their Bar and Bat Mitzvah’s too! So special!
We drove over to Sto Lat, and the place looked so beautiful. We really did a wonderful job setting it up and making it a Blossom Bash for Lillie. The place is beautiful without decorations so we just made it look even better.
Lillie wore a dress with flowers on it that was so gorgeous. I wore a flower dress to match her, and Ella’s dress had flowers on it too. The place looked so pretty, and we all felt so pretty. It was also so fun seeing all our guests dressed up and looking so beautiful too.
We felt the love being surrounded by so many family members and friends. I love it when I can bring people together for a special event. My mother-in-law just called to tell us how much she loved that we brought so many people together. Our brothers came to town with their families. Seth’s aunt and cousins came. It was so special.
The DJ was so fun. He had the kids dancing and playing games. We danced the hora and almost everyone was out on the dance floor.
The photographer was amazing. She fit in so well and was so fun to hang out with. I bet she got a lot of really great pictures and I can’t wait to see them all. What an amazing referral from my dear friend Jamie.
So many texts from friends and family telling me what a wonderful event it was.
Lillie said it was perfect and the best night ever and that right there is what really truly matters to me.
Now let’s get into what I learned! A lot as usual!
I’m telling you that it isn’t about the details and yet there were so many details to worry about.
Gluten free guests.
Vegan guests.
One gluten free chicken breast coming out when I needed three more and having to hunt down someone to get me three more.
I want to say – they really did try to make everything happen that needed to happen. I wanted the garage door opened to let in fresh air and let people enjoy the outdoors – that didn’t happen.
I wanted the cake cut – that took a long time to make happen and guests were leaving. I yelled, “Wait, don’t leave until the cake comes out.”
As Seth read the email from the DJ, he told me the photo booth was digital! Ugh! I wanted one that printed pictures, and those photo booths were all booked up! You have to read the details. You have to ask questions as soon as you can to get what you want. Kudos to my husband for reading and noticing that in the email.
They said they would pack up the food and then asked us (during the event) to pack up the food. I don’t want to stop enjoying my event to pack up the food. I want you to do it or I want you to wait until ten when it’s over.
I didn’t realize that the events manager wasn’t going to be there all night running everything. I guess I didn’t realize that I was in charge. If I could do this again – I would hire someone to come and run the event for me so that I could have fun.
Did I have fun seeing everyone – yes
Did I have fun seeing my daughter have a blast – yes
Was it meaningful and amazing – yes
Was I very stressed out – yes
I needed someone else to be in charge. I don’t want to take care of the details. I want someone else to do it.
Is the Bat mitzvah about the details? I keep telling myself that it isn’t. But can someone else take care of the details so I can sit back and enjoy my family and friends?
Laughing, Learning, Loving,
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
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