I know how overwhelming our days can be as busy moms. My day starts at 6 am. I get up and moving, and I’m in the kitchen by 6:15 making breakfasts and lunches for my kids and husband. I stand in the kitchen in the morning mentally preparing for my day thinking about the list ahead of me. My kids go to school but some of you have your children home with you. When my kids go to school I try to fit in work, errands, laundry, dishes, meal planning, cooking, and the list goes on and on. I tell moms all the time that motherhood is not for the weak. It’s the most beautiful, rewarding and overwhelming job that we will ever have. I wanted to cry last night at 10:30 PM when I was still doing laundry. Throw in a broken washing machine to add to the fun. I took a deep breath and started to giggle. I notice that there are moments when we can cry, laugh, yell and/or take a deep breath. I think I did a little of all those last night.
My friend texted me yesterday and said, “I don’t know how you do what you do.” I think most of us are in awe of our moms friends and our own moms. I also want to tell her how amazing it is to feel seen by her. My husband and kids do give me appreciation and I give myself appreciation – but hearing it from her yesterday really warmed my heart!
If you’ve ever felt like you’re drowning in a sea of schedules, homework, meals, emotions, and endless to-do lists, I want you to always remember that you are never alone. Let’s talk about some simple and powerful steps to help all of us to parent through overwhelm and find more calm in our day:
Give Yourself Permission to Feel It
First, I would like to tell you that it is okay to feel overwhelmed. Parenting is hard. Give yourself permission to acknowledge your feelings without judgment. Sometimes just naming it (“I’m feeling overwhelmed right now”) can lower its intensity. After you figure out how you are feeling, instead of judging yourself, I want you to say something like, “This is normal to feel this way. Anyone would feel the same way in my shoes. I bet my friend feels the same way.”
A Quick Reset
You may already know that one of my favorite words is, “RESET!.” When everything gets to be too much, I want you to simply press the pause button. Try a simple grounding exercise: plant your feet firmly on the floor, take three deep breaths, and focus on something you can see, hear, and touch. A wonderful spiritual alignment coach that I know says that even just thinking about your feet on the ground can help to ground you. This 30-second reset can shift your energy and help you respond more calmly.
I also like to just walk away from whatever it is that I am doing and give myself permission to slow down and take a few deep breaths. A simple pause can make me feel so much better. You can do this as many times as you need to during the day.
You may see people outside of their office or home taking a smoke break. I don’t smoke, but I also need “smoke breaks.” We can call them deep breath breaks – or mom breaks – or me breaks. Whatever works for you.
Focus on “One Thing”
When your mind is spinning with a hundred demands, ask yourself: “What is the one most important thing I need to do next?” Just one. Giving yourself permission to prioritize one task at a time can break the cycle of overwhelm. We think that we should be multi-tasking. We have lists always going on in our heads. The constant lists and doing more than one thing at a time makes us feel a little crazy sometimes. Get your list out of your head. Write it down and then decide what is most important and where to start. I have a lot on my list as I type this. However, this is due today, so I needed to pause the rest of my list and prioritize getting my blog done.
Talk to Your Kids About Your Feelings
You don’t have to pretend to have it all together. Saying things like, “I am feeling a little overwhelmed, so I’m taking a minute to breathe,” teaches your children emotional regulation and resilience. It’s a gift to show them that big feelings are normal and manageable. The other night I said, “I’m off duty.” I needed a few minutes to myself. I can’t go nonstop all day. Every single human being needs to take some time off. Let your kids know how you are feeling. It also makes them feel confident, important and needed to kindly ask for some help. It also teaches them how to handle it when they are feeling overwhelmed and need a minute.
Create Tiny Moments of Connection
When everything feels chaotic, look for small moments to connect with your children whether it is a quick hug, a silly dance, or five minutes of undivided attention. I love my time alone in the car with my kids. It is the best time to talk to them. I even take a moment at red lights to just look at them (my kids are all big enough to sit in the front seat next to me). These little moments can refill your emotional tank and theirs. I have also realized over the years how important these small little moments are through out the day. I used to think I needed to connect with my husband and children in big ways. Now I realize that even holding their hands for a moment is so precious. Moments of connection always help to ground me and make me feel less overwhelmed.
You’re Doing Better Than You Think
Parenting through overwhelm doesn’t mean eliminating chaos. What it does mean is learning to ride all the waves with grace and self-compassion. You are already showing up, loving hard, and doing your best and I am here to tell you that is more than enough.
Let’s keep supporting each other through the mess and magic of parenting. You are doing great, mama!
Laughing, Learning, Loving,
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
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