Happy April Fool’s day! Are you one to play a joke on someone? Does the day mean anything to you? As a mom I laugh every day. The most recent humor in our home is my husband pretending to be my 13 year old daughter. He has her lingo down. He makes me laugh. He makes her laugh. The tension gets cut as we joke around. I find that humor is the best medicine. As long as your child doesn’t think you are making fun of them. We laugh with her not at her. She finds it funny too. I thanked my husband for making me laugh last night. He has made me laugh almost every day since I started talking to him on the phone 22 years ago! I want to invite you to bring more humor into your life in honor of April Fool’s Day. I want us to be able to laugh at ourselves as moms.
There are many stories we tell ourselves as moms. They aren’t all true stories, and we could work on changing/shifting them. Let’s all laugh at ourselves and make some changes.
Let’s talk about some of the funny things/lies moms tell themselves:
I’ll get to sit down in five minutes is one of my funniest lines to myself! Why do I think that I will get to sit down. I notice the dishes. I see the food is still out because my daughter isn’t home to eat yet. What about the overflowing garbage. My husband does tend to jump in and help. My kids bury themselves in their homework and pretend that they don’t see what’s going on. Eventually we make it to the couch. No, it’s not all for you. Yes, your family is your team. Yes, they all need chores. Yes, the couch is coming I promise. Eventually.
How about this one: “I’m going to schedule myself a massage.” Do you tell yourself that? Do you ever actually make the appointment. I tell myself this line regularly. My husband tells me to go get a massage. My friend goes once a month. She makes the next appointment before she leaves. I’m not that organized. I’m telling all of us, make the appointment. You want your hair done? You want your nails done? You want the massage? Stop lying to yourself and make the appointment.
One of my favorites is when I tell myself: “This can wait.” How many times do you tell yourself that something can wait? If it’s for your kids, it’s already done. Whether it’s the overdue dentist appointment, doctor’s appointment, cleaning out your closet, buying yourself something…. the list for yourself goes on and on. You get everything that your child needs and now I am telling you that it’s your turn. Stop fooling yourself that you will do it tomorrow. There is no better time than right now while you are reading this. Let’s go. I want you to giggle the next time you say, “This can wait,” and then go do it.
“I’ll exercise tomorrow.” We are good at fitting everything else in. Did you exercise today? Did you say you will do it tomorrow. I make myself laugh when I say this. I will definitely exercise tomorrow!
“We will go on a date next month.” When is the last time that you have gone on a date with your husband? I can tell you that we went out for Seth’s birthday on March 23! Yay me! Put it on the calendar and make it happen. I definitely need to prioritize this.
My daughter says that I think everything is my fault. When something happens in your house do you blame yourself? When your kids are struggling with something do you blame yourself? Anything that happens that has to do with your family, do you blame yourself? I do. My daughter noticed and pointed it out today. Cut it out. Do we really think that we are that important? Ok, we are, but everything isn’t our fault!
“No one helps me.” I say this a lot. It’s funny because I have a lot of help. What if instead of saying that next time I notice all the people in my life who do help me. When I told my daughter that I was writing this she said that I don’t see my support system. It’s funny that I am surrounded by family and friends and yet I complain that no one helps me. First, we need to notice all the support we have. Second, we need to not be a martyr and ask for help.
I don’t think I’m enough. This is hysterical. I want us all to laugh hard at this story that we tell ourselves. This is a big huge lie. You are not failing. You are good enough. You are doing enough. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Now read those four sentences again with me. We all do more than enough. Why do we fool ourselves into thinking we aren’t enough. Your value is not what you do. Your value is who you are.
You do not have to hold it together all day every day. When did mom’s get this silly idea that they are supposed to be calm patient saints all day. Where did that false idea come from? Moms are not perfect. Moms are not saints. Moms lose their patience. Moms need space and time outs. No one should have to hold it together all day every day. Being a mom may be wonderful, but it is not easy. You are not expected to hold it together. It’s okay to be human. Please laugh at your huge high expectations of yourself.
I shouldn’t feel overwhelmed. Not only do I have to hold it together all day, I also should never feel overwhelmed. The kids, husband, job, house, errands, activities, meals, pets, friends, extended family is only part of your list, but you should manage it flawlessly and never get overwhelmed. Why are we hard on ourselves when we feel overwhelmed? Not only should we be patient saints who hold it together all day, but we should also be calm cucumbers getting everything in our day accomplished without feeling an ounce of overwhelm. Does that really sound right to you? Why would we think this? Please laugh and change this.
Everyone else is doing a better job. Where did we get the idea that everyone is doing a better job than we are? I have a couple of ideas about this foolish notion. First, we are comparing ourselves to highlight reels that we see on social media. Second, when we see people, they may be holding it together in public, but what do they look like behind closed doors. Do you know that someone came up to me and told me that they admired our friend for how put together she is? That friend had just unloaded all her stresses to me. She may look all put together but how does she feel inside? We don’t know. Stop the silly ridiculous comparison. The Jones family is not better than your family.
I can’t miss anything that my kids do. Whether you have one child or six children, you can’t be everywhere for everyone. Even if you have one child you may have a work commitment that requires you to miss something. I have three children and sometimes I need to pick what I am going to miss. This is part of life. We must laugh at ourselves for thinking we can’t ever miss anything. I let go of that years ago. Please join me.
Moms tell themselves a lot of silly false lines all day every day. I hope that we can shift some of these lies. I hope that we can add more humor in our days. The next time you tell yourself one of these lies (or a different one), I want you to laugh and then I want you to gently encourage yourself to shift. We are going to laugh more, praise ourselves more, and realize how wonderful we are.
Laughing, Learning, Loving,
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
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