It was Mother’s Day weekend, and somehow, I made myself friends plans Saturday morning and Saturday evening. I was feeling guilty about “disappearing” in the morning and in the evening. I don’t tend to make two plans for myself in one day! I feel very lucky whenever I have a friend plan because every mom knows how busy moms are. When moms take out their schedules to coordinate plans, I usually end up laughing about how hard it is. I told my husband Seth that I felt bad that I had double plans and he said, “It’s Mother’s Day weekend. Go have fun!” What amazing words from my husband. That was the “permission” I needed to have a good time with my friends. Happy Mother’s Day to me. Thank you, friends, for making the time and thank you to Seth for encouraging me to go!
I know how easy it is to get into the groove of managing parenting, working, and all the household things and to forget about making friends plans for yourself. I want to tell you how wonderful it was to spend a day free of responsibilities. It was wonderful to catch up with my friends. It was wonderful to take time out from my daily grind. I enjoy my grind most of the time. I am also aware of the fact that I need breaks. I know how therapeutic it is for us women to connect with our friends. Moms need friends too.
I want to focus on friendship and how we can make time for friends and be an even better friend than we already are.
Give Grace, Not Guilt
We’re all busy. Sometimes texts go unanswered, and plans fall through. Give each other grace. I know that my friends will get back to me when they have time. I know that sometimes things come up and we need to reschedule. Let’s all be flexible and tolerant with our friends.
Make It Easy to Connect
Sometimes dinner is hard to schedule. Try a walk, a voice note, or a quick text. Small, consistent touches can keep you close even when time is tight. I love it when we get to go out to dinner with our friends, but we can find so many creative ways to connect with our friends. I love it when I get to spend time with my friends at our kids’ sporting events. I get to drive far with my friend today to our daughters game and spend time with her. I love a quick coffee date with a friend. We can all usually find time to fit in a coffee date. I take a daily walk outside and I love when I can include a friend. I get to have friend time and exercise. That is a win win. I want to encourage all of us to be creative with our friend time. I also want to encourage us not to give up. I know that I can get frustrated trying to make schedules work for everyone, but we can make it work. Even if you have to wait until next month, make it happen.
Be Honest and Real
You don’t have to show up polished or perfect. Show up messy, show up tired – just show up as yourself. That’s where true connection happens. I don’t care what you are wearing. I don’t care how your house looks. I just want time with you. We need to make people feel comfortable just being themselves. A true friendship means we don’t have to put on shows for each other. I have three children, a husband and three pets living with me in my home. I clean and clean and clean and it will still never be perfect. Take me as I am and take my house as it is. I want us all to throw judgement out the window. Wouldn’t that be amazing?
Celebrate Each Other
Be your friend’s biggest cheerleader. Celebrate her wins, support her dreams, and remind her of her strength. Our friends need us to lift them up and they need to know that we are on their side. A real true friend wants to see you succeed. I love it when my friends are happy and have great things to share. Which leads me to:
Don’t Compete, Connect
Motherhood isn’t competition. There is room for all of us to succeed and win. I love getting ideas and inspiration from my friends. I also know that every family and every woman is different. We all have our own unique strengths and weaknesses. You be you and let Sally be Sally. Who you are is wonderful and enough and you don’t have to keep up with the Joneses.
Make New Friends and keep the old
It’s never too late to make new connections. Say hi at the school pickup line. Join a book club. Stay open. My friend started a book club, and I didn’t know a lot of the girls who joined. I have loved meeting them and getting to know these women and make new friendships. I want to nurture my old friends, and I am always open to making new friends. Your new best friend may be at your daughter’s softball game.
Be the Friend You Want to Have
Kindness, empathy, humor, loyalty – whatever you value in a friend, model it. We tend to get back what we give out. Give your friends everything you want from your friend. You would want them to be understanding. You would want them to be flexible. Let us all be what we want to get in return.
Reach Out First
Don’t wait. Send a text. Make a call. I always tell my kids to go organize a date with a friend and don’t wait for the phone call. I need to practice what I preach! It is wonderful when it is reciprocated – but don’t let that stop you. Keep making the calls. Keep making the plans.
Be Honest About the Hard Stuff
When you’re overwhelmed, say so. Vulnerability builds closeness. You don’t have to have it all together. Your friends want to celebrate your successes with you, and they want to be there for you through the hard stuff too. We all have ups and downs and it’s wonderful to be able to go through that with our friends.
Let Go of Scorekeeping
Friendship isn’t 50/50 every day. Sometimes you’ll give more, sometimes you’ll need more. Just like in marriage, we should never be keeping score. Hopefully your friendship is a give and take. Hopefully you are not the one always giving or always taking. I want you to be lifted up from your friendships. I also want us all not to be keeping score of who does what.
Don’t be the Giver or the Taker
As we talk about scorekeeping, I don’t want us to be the giver or the taker in the relationship. I hope that you will give AND take. I hope that you will take AND give. I know so many women that aren’t comfortable taking. Friends are more comfortable when there is both giving and taking in the relationship. You don’t want the taker to feel bad that they never get a chance to give. You don’t want the giver to feel resentful that they are always the giver. Every relationship should have giving and taking in it.
Be on Time
I just want to take a moment to talk about the value of being on time. I am the person who feels better when I am early for things. I put in a lot of effort to be on time. I don’t always succeed but I do most of the time. I also know that I value people and their time, and I want to show them by being on time. If you are always late – that doesn’t make your friend feel important. We all realize that things come up but if this is a pattern, there is probably a reason for it. Maybe you get distracted easily and don’t keep track of time. Maybe you didn’t give yourself enough time to get ready. I know that I feel like a better friend when I am on time for things.
Make your Friend Feel important
What makes someone feel important? Everyone is different but here are a few suggestions: be on time and be reliable. Ask their opinions. Prioritize time with them. Send them a text – or call them to say hello. Tell them how you feel, “I really appreciate you.” Celebrate their successes and be there for them through hard times. Listen to them and make them feel heard. Remember important things – birthdays, anniversaries, etc. I realize we aren’t all good with dates. My phone calendar has become one of my best friends.
Make Space for Different Seasons
I have a lot of friends who are in the exact same season of life with me. They have husbands and kids, and we make it work. We schedule it in. We make time in various different ways. They understand what my life looks like. I also have friends in different seasons. They know what season of life I am in, and they understand that. We know that friendship looks different in different stages of life. My friend told me that I didn’t have much time for her when my kids were babies. That may be true, but I have more time for her now. I do my best and I try to make my friends feel important because they are. We are all trying to balance it all. We want to make time for our friends and have them know they are important to us, and we also want to be understanding of what stage of life our friends are in. I remember not getting sleep or a shower when my kids were babies. Let’s be tolerant and understanding and let’s also make it a priority to make ourselves some friend time.
Every mom needs and deserves friends. I hope we all can prioritize some friend time for ourselves. I hope we can all schedule it in no matter how busy your life is. I think about how much I need it. I think about how much better I feel after a friend time out. I also think about how my kids are watching. I want to be a good example for them. I want them to see me prioritize friendship and I want them to see me being a good friend.
If you are one of the friends in my life reading this, I want to pause and say a big thank you to you. I appreciate doing this mom thing with you. I appreciate that you are in my village.
Make the plan.
Schedule it.
Prioritize it.
Enjoy time with your friends! Let your hair down and have a glass of wine.
With love and friendship,
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
xoxo
Check out my 
:
Whinypaluza Notes:
Whinypaluza Mom Group:
If you are looking for a supportive community, come join the free Whinypaluza Mom Facebook group. I created this as I wanted us to have a place where we can talk about tips, strengths and challenges we are having. It is another step I took to help everyone to know that you are not alone. The April spring challenge was a lot of fun! Our May challenge starts tomorrow! Come jump in and join us and bring a friend with you! I love to give away prizes. This group is private so please find me on Facebook at Whinypaluza or Rebecca Greene and message me to ask for an invite. I’m also on Instagram @becgreene5 and @whinypaluza_mom. I am also on Tik tok @whinypaluzamom.
The Whinypaluza Schedule:
Whinypaluza Wednesdays: My weekly blog comes out every Wednesday. I am always open to your topic requests. A new Vlog (video blog) also comes out every Wednesday night on Facebook and You Tube live at 8:00 PM Eastern time to discuss the blog. If you would rather listen to a podcast than watch a Vlog, you can wait for the following Wednesday and the Vlog is released on my Podcast.
Family Fridays: Every Friday morning a new Podcast is released. Most of my episodes on Fridays are me discussing parenting and marriage with experts on the topic. If you would rather watch the Podcast instead of listen, you can watch it on You Tube. If you would like to be on my Podcast or know someone who would like to please message me on Facebook or Instagram or at whinypaluzamom@gmail.com
I would so greatly appreciate it if you would subscribe, rate my Podcast and leave me a five-star review. This leads to it being shown to more people that we can help. I appreciate it when you share my blogs, vlogs and podcasts with a friend so that we can build our community and help people one mama at a time. Every time you like and/or comment on a post it helps and is so appreciated!
