All that stands between me and senior year is one regents exam. This year has gone by way too fast and way too slow. I’ve spent a lot of time studying, dancing with my friends, planning events, and growing. To honor this year, I would like to reflect on how much I’ve grown this year.
1. I’m much more confident.
At the beginning of this year, I needed constant validation to feel worthy and like a “good” person. As I accomplished more things and learned much more, I’ve come to realize that I’m amazing no matter what. I don’t need awards or accolades to know that I can do great things and have admirable qualities. This took me years and many tears to learn. I think so much of self-confidence comes from experience and maturity because as we mature, we’re able to look at our actions more objectively, whether they’re good or bad. Learning this has made me a much calmer person because I’m no longer anxious about proving myself.
Furthermore, I used to constantly be worried about what people thought of me. Whether they thought I was weird, annoying, or stupid. Since I’ve gotten more confident, I’ve stopped doing that. If someone thinks that about me I don’t care. Everyone, even me, has an incomplete view of who I am and I do not have to judge myself based on someone else’s perspective. This is another lesson learned in tears.
2. Life doesn’t seem as scary.
This may just be a result of me becoming less anxious, but I’m not scared of growing up anymore. I think back to the blogs I wrote earlier and how nervous and overdramatic I was. Granted I’m still over dramatic, but having to be on my own doesn’t scare me anymore. If anything, I’m excited for the challenge. I can’t wait to see what growing up has in store for me, even if it’s not what I planned. This is another change in mindset that I think comes from maturity. It’s wonderful what time can do.
3. The world is wide enough for everyone.
It used to really piss me off when I had to be with people I don’t like. No matter who else was with me, all I could think about was the one person I didn’t like. It was ridiculous! All I was doing was ruining the moment for myself.
As this year went on and I learned to work with all kinds of people, I’ve learned that you can just ignore people. Both the world and the room is wide enough for the two of you, so just focus on the people you do like. I’ll admit that I’m definitely not perfect at this, but it comes with practice.
That’s three ways I’ve changed for the three years I’ve been in high school. I can’t believe I’m only a year away from graduation, and I can’t wait to see how I change next year.
Until Next Time,
Ella
