My daughter Ella who is 16 years old, started a Teenage Tuesday column that comes out every Tuesday. If you haven’t checked it out, scroll down and look through all her columns at Whinypaluza.com. The latest one, “You Can Conquer,” really blew me away about anxiety. She has learned so much over the years and is sharing her lessons with others. Anxiety is something almost everyone has experienced at some point in time. Anxiety is one of those topics that I get a lot of requests for. I had a lot of ideas to write about this week, but how about a teenager vs. mom’s perspective on anxiety. I think Ella and I should brainstorm more ideas to do a teenager and mom perspective on the same topic. Let’s jump into this one!
I woke up anxious yesterday. I had an interesting change in perspective on it. I thought to myself, “Hello anxiety. I recognize you.” I didn’t resist it. I almost welcomed it and allowed it. My old “friend” who shows up every so often with a message for me. What did my anxiety have to say today?
It went away quickly so let me share why in my sincere efforts to help others:
I didn’t resist it.
I recognized it.
Not resisting it and welcoming it seemed to give it less power.
I quickly identified why I was feeling this way. It was a “Omg, my son is leaving soon,” feeling.
I have learned over the years that our cortisol levels are highest in the morning which leads to more anxiety in the morning.
Knowing it’s normal and everyone experiences anxiety has also helped me.
Reassuring myself always works. It is all about how we RESPOND to ourselves. It’s called self-talk and I can’t emphasize enough how important it is.
I’m going to bring you into my reassuring self-talk session with myself:
“This is a wonderful thing. Max is so excited to go to college, and you are so excited for him. He is capable and he will do a great job.”
Not only did I reassure myself that Max can handle it, but I also reassured myself. I can handle hard things. I can handle things that come up. As I gain more confidence my anxiety is less and less. If it shows up, it is less frequent and less intense. I know that my kids are resilient and can handle hard things and I know the same thing about their parents. I have proof that I can pull from of my kids and I handling hard situations. This reassures me and lessens the impact of the anxiety.
We aren’t looking for our anxiety to be at a zero because it is a totally natural response to many situations. Labeling it as “nervexcited,” has also helped my family cope. Sometimes anxiety is actually excitement! You can be nervous and excited. You can be anxious and excited. You can feel a lot of things at one time. Knowing it is normal helps me in a lot of situations. Telling people, “I would feel like that in that situation,” is the best way to normalize it for anyone in our lives and make them feel better.
Let’s summarize how I have learned to effectively handle anxiety.
- Allow it. Don’t resist it.
- Recognize it.
- Normalize it.
- Pay attention to your self-talk!
- Understand that cortisol (biology of the body) is highest in the morning.
- Understand that part of it can be excitement!
- Look back at proof for every time you have handled hard situations.
- Reassure yourself that you can do hard things. Reassure yourself that your kids can handle hard things.
- I also find that if I get moving doing things like starting my day that I am fine.
Be in charge – don’t let it be in charge of you. Always remember that you are the boss of your brain! Anxiety is a natural part of life. Just learn to deal with it so that it has less of an impact on your daily life.
Now if you haven’t yet – go read my daughter Ella’s column on anxiety! Hopefully her and I were both helpful! xo
Laughing, Learning, Loving,
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
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