I read, study and listen to a lot of information. Time and time again I am blown away by the power of our minds. I learned this years ago and I pass this on regularly to everyone in my life who will listen. I don’t know if you buy it. I am going to try to sell you on this. Let’s see how I do.
As scientists study the brain, they see that our brains change based on our thoughts. They see how we respond to what we are thinking. What this means is that if you have a habit of complaining or negative thinking, you are teaching your brain to think that way.
The bad news is that as you have negative thoughts you create more of that. The good news is that I promise that you have the power to change this pattern. You may roll your eyes at me or not believe me but hear me out.
If you like how you think then you don’t have to read the rest of this. If you don’t like how you tend to think. If you don’t like how you go through your days. Then let’s fix this together.
If you are continuing to read then I am going to guess that you would like to use your brain power for good. The first step to any changes in your life is AWARENESS. I want you to just start to practice catching yourself complaining, gossiping, or having negative thoughts. Just start to notice them and become more aware of your thoughts.
As you get good at awareness, I started this journey of changing my thoughts by picturing a BIG RED STOP SIGN. It was like I felt like I was grabbing a hold of my thoughts and telling myself to stop. A big giant red light to stop the negative thoughts.
After I got good at the awareness piece and the red-light piece, I started to move on to thinking of REPLACEMENTS for the thoughts. I play words like these in my head regularly:
Rewind
Reset
Regroup
Big giant deep breaths
Replace
You have become aware of your thoughts. You have put up a big giant red stop sign. You are rewinding, resetting, regrouping, taking deep breaths – and now we move to replacing your thoughts. You want to get really good at:
Replacing and Reframing!
I am going to give you some examples:
Negative thought: “I’m done parenting Max. It’s over.” Replace with: “Max will always need me. I will always be his mom. Parenting never ends.”
Negative thought: “I’m having such a bad day.” Replace with: “I’m having a bad moment in my day. Let’s move on to some good moments.”
Negative thought: “My daughter is so mean to me.” Replace with: “She is just overwhelmed and tired. Give her some space.”
Negative thought: “I have so much to do and I will never get it done.” Replace with: “Take it one step at a time. You always get it all done. It doesn’t all have to get done today.”
Negative thought: “I’m feeling so anxious.” Replace with: “I’m having a little bit of anxiety right now. I can handle this.”
Negative thought: “No one appreciates me.” Replace with: “Your husband, your children and your friends give you appreciation all the time. You know this isn’t true.”
Negative thought: “No one helps me with anything. I do everything.” Replace with: “It may feel that way sometimes, but you aren’t alone. Your husband, kids, parents and friends help you all the time.”
Negative thought: “No one cares how I feel. It’s all about everyone else.” Replace with: “You are so good at helping and caring about everyone in your life and all of that love comes right back to you.”
I have PRACTICED this so many times every day that it has become second nature to me. I tend to think more positively because I regularly practice this. I do a lot of squats and lunges. I do a lot of bicep and tricep curls. I do a lot of walking. I also do a lot of mind exercise.
As you practice replacing your thoughts, you will see that it becomes easier to do. You will see that you naturally do this more often. I don’t want you to yell at yourself for the negative thoughts or the complaining or the gossiping. I want you to have love, patience, compassion and understanding for yourself. Be gentle with yourself and continue to practice. As you train your brain to think differently, you are going to see that you are experiencing your days through prettier lenses.
How did I do?
Did I sell you?
Let me know!
Keep working on it and never give up on yourself!
Laughing, Learning, Loving,
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
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