When I was talking to my husband Seth the other day he inspired this topic. He was holding something in that he finally let out about our dog’s death. I told him all the reasons why what he was saying wasn’t logically correct and cleared up some things that made him feel better. He was having some regrets, and it was purely fueled by emotion. Sometimes we need to think through the facts. We need to not drive ourselves crazy. When something is over, we need to look for reasons to find comfort not reasons to upset ourselves. I could drive myself absolutely nuts if I go down the what if’s path. My goal is to help you have no regrets. Let’s so how I do!
Decide what “no regrets” means for you
Other people’s version might be skydiving and quitting their job. Yours might be being present at dinner and finally going back to school.
Ask yourself:
- When I look back, what do I want to be proud of?
- What do I want my kids to remember about me?
- What do I want to feel more of – peace, adventure, connection, freedom, impact?
Your “no regrets” life starts with your definition, not Instagram’s.
Stop the “what if” game you play with yourself
When something is over, we play scenarios in our heads of what we could do differently.
- Stop beating yourself up.
- Learn from what you wish that you would have done now that you know more. Hindsight is 20/20!
- Teach others what you learned – it’s healing.
Question is it facts or fiction?
When I was talking to Seth – he didn’t sound rational. Regrets aren’t always rational. Our feelings take over and it’s not always logical with facts. Find out if what you are thinking is fact or faction.
- Question your brain. Your brain lies to you.
- Talk to other people. They can let you know if it is fact or fiction.
- If it is factual regrets – move forward. We can’t go back. Take it with you and use it.
Don’t wait for motivation. Build tiny momentum.
Motivation is unreliable. You know what’s reliable? A ridiculously small first step.
If there’s something you keep postponing:
- Write the first paragraph.
- Make the appointment.
- Walk for 10 minutes.
- Send the text.
- Put the shoes by the door.
- Ask one question.
Regret thrives in “someday.” Momentum lives in “today, but small.” When you do the small thing, I want you to give yourself lots of praise! Pump yourself up and be your own cheerleader.
Say the thing. (Before it’s too late.)
So many regrets are really about words that didn’t get spoken.
Try saying:
- “I’m sorry.”
- “I love you.”
- “I’m proud of you.”
- “I miss you.”
- “You mattered to me.”
- “I need help.”
- “This isn’t working.”
Say it awkwardly. Say it imperfectly. Just don’t keep it trapped inside forever.
Stop delaying joy until you “earn” it
This is a big one for parents. We turn joy into a reward.
“I’ll relax when the house is clean.”
“I’ll celebrate when I hit the goal.”
“I’ll take the trip when the kids are older.”
Life doesn’t hand out certificates that say you’re allowed to enjoy it now.
What’s one small joy you can allow today?
- coffee on the porch
- music in the car
- a walk outside enjoying nature
- a silly show with your kids
- ordering the dessert
Joy doesn’t make you irresponsible. It makes you alive.
Be brave enough to disappoint people sometimes
A lot of regret is born from trying to keep everyone happy.
No regrets = you need to have boundaries:
- “That doesn’t work for us.”
- “I can’t commit to that.”
- “I need a little time.”
- “We’re keeping it simple this year.”
Your kids don’t need a parent who says yes to everything. They need a parent who says yes to what matters. They will learn this from us so start teaching them. I had a great conversation with my daughter Ella yesterday about knowing when we have reached our limits. It is an important life skill.
Do the “uncomfortable conversation” before it becomes a crisis
Regret loves avoidance.
Have the talk:
- with your partner about money, stress, or division of labor
- with your child about mental health, friendships, or safety
- with your doctor about symptoms you keep ignoring
- with yourself about what you’re tolerating
Hard conversations now save heavier regrets later.
Take the picture. Get in the picture.
Parents, listen to me please!
Your kids will not look back and critique your hair, your weight, your skin, your outfit. They will look back and say:
“That’s my mom. She was there.”
Take the photo. Be in it. Let your kids have proof of your love. The funny thing is that I look back on pictures and think, “You looked good, what was your problem that day?” Get in the memories and take the photos!
Make memories on ordinary days
Most of life is not vacations. It’s Tuesdays.
Regret gets loud when you realize you missed the ordinary magic. I have realized that the small things are really the big things!
Create micro-memories:
- pancakes-for-dinner night
- a 10-minute dance party
- “yes day” at home (with a budget!)
- gratitude at bedtime (one good thing each)
- seasonal traditions: first snow hot chocolate, first warm-day picnic
Big memories are made of small moments repeated.
Apologize faster. Forgive yourself sooner.
If you’re a parent, you’re going to mess up. That’s not a possibility. That’s a guarantee.
No regrets doesn’t mean no mistakes. It means repairing quickly.
Try:
- “I was wrong.”
- “You didn’t deserve that.”
- “I’m working on it.”
- “Will you forgive me?”
And then do the part we forget: forgive yourself too please.
You are allowed to be a human raising humans. My daughter Ella frequently reminds me that I am human and am allowed to make mistakes. I find it so helpful!
Spend your time like it matters, because it does
Time is the one thing you can’t get back, which is why regrets often sound like:
“I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time…”
You don’t need a perfect schedule. Just try this:
- Notice what drains you.
- Notice what fills you.
- Reduce one drain.
- Add what fills your cup!
Treat your health like your family depends on it (because they do)
This isn’t about a certain size or a perfect routine. It’s about giving your future self a chance.
No regrets includes:
- sleep you protect
- checkups you don’t postpone
- movement you don’t overcomplicate
- stress support you don’t ignore
Your kids don’t need you to be superhuman. They need you to be here.
Make a “Regret Prevention List”
This is my favorite practical tool.
Write down 5 things that would break your heart to regret.
Examples:
- “Not being present for my kids.”
- “Not using my voice.”
- “Not taking care of my health.”
- “Staying in something that made me feel small.”
- “Not trying the thing I always dreamed about.”
Let your kids see you live
If you want your kids to have no regrets someday, show them what that looks like.
Let them see you:
- try something new
- say no with love
- apologize and repair
- take breaks without guilt
- follow through on a goal
- choose joy without permission
We teach more by what we model than what we lecture.
From one mom to another
If you have regrets already, you’re not behind. You’re awake.
Regret isn’t a life sentence. It’s a signal.
Today, right now, you can choose one brave, small step toward the life you want to look back on with peace.
“No regrets” isn’t about doing everything.
It’s about doing what matters.
Report back to me and let me know how I did. I hope I have helped you have zero or less regrets in life!Top of Form
Laughing, Learning, Loving,
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
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