I have always loved Halloween. I have always hosted Halloween. There have been tons of people in my house every year for this holiday. I don’t know how this began, but many years ago, I started hosting a Halloween party. The families would come over for pizza and snacks, and then we would all trick or treat together. My husband doesn’t love trick or treating like I do. A lot of times he would stay home and pass out the candy. I have loved trick or treating for 19 years. My days of running after them have come to an end.
Note – Last year they took off without me, and I was far behind with my friend and her little girls. I still got to trick or treat. Probably my last time until my grandchildren show up in ten plus years!
As a new Halloween chapter begins for me, it is time for me to reflect, learn and move forward. This blog began by helping me cope with motherhood. I had three little kids, and writing became very therapeutic for me. It is time for me to therapize myself about Halloween. Here we go:
Give myself permission to be sad!
I am sitting here telling myself that it is okay to be sad. I have to give myself permission for this feeling for some reason. I find sadness uncomfortable. I like to be happy and smiling. As a therapist, I know that I need to allow myself to feel my feelings. If my kids do end up trick or treating, they certainly don’t need me to follow behind them. Enjoy chasing your little ones around from house to house. I don’t think Lillie is having a Halloween party for the first time in ten years. We shall see. Things are changing!
Ask your kids what they want to do!
Sometimes we assume our children have outgrown everything when they still love certain traditions. Maybe they still want to carve pumpkins, watch Halloween movies, bake cookies, or decorate the house. Ask them! You might be surprised by what they want to keep doing. I will continue to decorate the house. I will continue to buy pumpkins. I’m sure my youngest wants to carve hers so we better get that done before Halloween. My youngest wanted to go to a pumpkin patch. I was thrilled to take Lillie and her friends to the pumpkin farm. Special thanks to my wonderful friend who went with us! Just because our children get older doesn’t mean that they don’t want to still do Halloween traditions.
Create new traditions for this stage of life.
It is time to create new traditions. I can host a Halloween party for my friends! I can host a pumpkin carving contest / or pumpkin painting contest for the teenagers. I can pass out candy with my husband. I can have a family Halloween movie night. I can make my kids a fun Halloween dinner before they run off with their friends. Halloween isn’t over – it just looks different.
Don’t force Halloween magic.
We don’t want to force our teenagers to participate in something they’re no longer interested in. That won’t be fun for anyone. My youngest daughter wanted to go to a pumpkin farm, but my older daughter wasn’t interested. It’s okay to let go of certain traditions and allow your kids to help shape the new ones. All five of us went apple picking together. It was so fun. We have done that almost every year and then we come home and make an apple crisp. It’s not about Halloween but it is a Fall tradition that we love.
Find joy in watching younger children experience Halloween.
One of the best parts of Halloween now can be handing out candy and seeing all the adorable little costumes. Those excited faces remind me of my own children when they were younger. Instead of focusing only on what I’ve lost, I can appreciate the magic happening for another generation of families. If you know me, you know how much I love little kids and seeing their costumes and Halloween delight. I will have fun passing out candy this year!
Make room for your own Halloween fun.
Who says Halloween has to revolve entirely around the kids? Decorate because you love decorating. Dress up because you enjoy it. Get together with friends, watch a scary movie, or plan something fun with your spouse. We can still enjoy holidays even when our children don’t need us in the same way.
Appreciate the independence you’ve helped create.
When our children make their own Halloween plans, it can feel like we’re being left behind. Their independence is also something to celebrate. We’ve raised children who are growing, developing friendships, and creating their own memories. That’s what we’ve been preparing them to do all along. Give yourself a pat on the back as you see your children grow more independent. That means we are doing a good job! That is the sign!
A reminder for moms.
Sometimes the hardest part of watching our children grow up is realizing that we don’t know when we’re experiencing something for the last time.
We don’t know when it will be the last Halloween they ask us to walk around the neighborhood with them. The last time they need our help putting on a costume. The last time they excitedly dump out their candy on the living room floor.
I wish I could go back and experience some of those Halloweens one more time. I wish I could hold those little hands again and see their excitement over the simplest things. I have images of Max as Tigger as a baby. He was the best Woody from Toy Story. Ella was adorable in her Cinderella outfit. Lillie was the sweetest little lady bug. So many precious memories. I am still excited to see them in their costumes this year.
I also know I wouldn’t want to miss who my children are becoming.
This Halloween, I’m giving myself permission to feel a little sad. I’m going to enjoy the memories, appreciate the traditions we still have, and stay open to creating new ones.
Motherhood is full of moments like this. We spend so much time helping our children grow, and then we have to learn how to grow along with them. I always say that we grow up as parents as our children grow older.
We can miss the little kids they used to be and still love the big kids they’re becoming. We can feel multiple things at the same time.
Maybe that’s the real magic of motherhood.
I’m excited that my son is coming home for Halloween. I’m excited that all three of my kids are still having me buy their costumes and accessories. I’m excited for all three of my kids to have some fun Halloween plans. I’m excited to have a date with my husband passing out candy. There is still Halloween excitement.
Hopefully one day I will get to trick or treat with my kids and their kids! Time marches on. Enjoy the journey!
Have a wonderful and safe Halloween.
I would love to hear your favorite Halloween tradition!
Laughing, Learning, Loving,
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
Check out my 
:
Whinypaluza Notes:
Whinypaluza Mom Group:
If you are looking for a supportive community, come join the free Whinypaluza Mom Facebook group. I created this as I wanted us to have a place where we can talk about tips, strengths and challenges we are having. It is another step I took to help everyone to know that you are not alone. Come jump in and join us and bring a friend with you! I love to give away prizes. This group is private so please find me on Facebook at Whinypaluza or Rebecca Greene and message me to ask for an invite. I’m also on Instagram @becgreene5 and @whinypaluza_mom. I am also on Tik tok @whinypaluzamom.
The Whinypaluza Schedule:
Whinypaluza Wednesdays: My weekly blog comes out every Wednesday. I am always open to your topic requests. A new Vlog (video blog) also comes out every Wednesday night on Facebook on my personal page at 9:00 PM Eastern time to discuss the blog. If you would rather listen to a podcast than watch a Vlog, you can wait for the following Wednesday, and the Vlog is released on my Podcast.
Family Fridays: Every Friday morning a new Podcast is released. Most of my episodes on Fridays are me discussing parenting and marriage with experts on the topic. If you would rather watch the Podcast instead of listen, you can watch it on You Tube. If you would like to be on my Podcast or know someone who would like to please message me on Facebook or Instagram or at whinypaluzamom@gmail.com
I would greatly appreciate it if you would subscribe, rate my podcast and leave me a five-star review. This leads to it being shown to more people that we can help. I appreciate it when you share my blogs, vlogs and podcasts with a friend so that we can build our community and help people one mama at a time. Every time you like and/or comment on a post it helps and is so appreciated!
