Sometimes I get really excited to write about a topic and this is one of those times. I want to personally thank the person who requested this wonderful topic. If we have better boundaries, then it changes everything in our life and makes our life better. This is something that we want to have for ourselves and something that is very important to teach to our children. I also want to remind all of us that the best way to teach your children is to model what you want to see them do. From relationships to technology – our children are watching and learning from us!
If we have healthy boundaries, then every area of our life improves drastically. Boundaries protect our time, energy, and emotional well-being.
Boundaries aren’t selfish. They’re loving.
They’re guidelines for healthy connection.
The best part is that boundaries protect our peace and help our relationships thrive.
So where do we start?
Our Time
Your time is sacred. Every time you say “yes” to something, you’re saying “no” to something else and that something is often yourself. I hope you will remember this!
You don’t have to justify why you can’t volunteer, host the family gathering, or take that call during dinner. A simple “That doesn’t work for me right now” is enough.
Try this instead: Block off time for rest, fun, and family and protect it like you would a doctor’s appointment. I am hearing people who block of fun and relaxation time, and I am here for this and loving it.
Our Energy
Your emotional and mental energy are just as important as your physical energy. Some conversations, people, or even thoughts can leave us totally depleted.
It’s okay to step back. It’s okay to say, “I’m not available for that right now.”
Try this instead: Notice what drains you. Then lovingly put space between you and those situations or people. What lifts you up and what brings you down or makes you feel drained. Pay attention.
Parenting
We can love our kids fiercely and still say “no.”
Kids thrive when they know what to expect and what’s okay.
Boundaries might look like screen time limits, enforcing bedtime, or calmly walking away from disrespect. This morning, I just told Lillie to stop asking for things for Hanukkah. How much money does she think I am going to spend? I told her to ask her aunts. It’s enough. I also have no problem setting boundaries around things that are safety related. There is no debating on a bike helmet or a seatbelt. They need you to set boundaries and limits for them. Remember that their brains are not fully developed and sometimes they need us to think for them. Also, they will run us to exhaustion if we let them, so we don’t always have to sign them up for the next thing. We don’t always have to take them somewhere.
Try this instead: Hold the boundary with love. “I won’t let you speak to me that way,” is a powerful parenting tool. Remember that people only treat you how you let them and that goes for our kids, partners, extended family, friends and coworkers.
Marriage and Partnerships
Yes, even in close relationships, we need space and respect.
You’re allowed to say, “I need some quiet time,” or “I’m not up for that conversation right now.”
Healthy boundaries in a relationship creates more connection not less.
Even in the most connected relationships, we need personal space, time to recharge, and respect for our own thoughts and feelings. Boundaries here look like open communication, not people-pleasing.
Try this instead: Share your needs clearly and kindly. Use “I” statements, like “I feel overwhelmed and need 10 minutes to regroup.” My husband has learned that sometimes I am not up for a conversation whether it’s due to exhaustion or because I’m angry with him. After I regroup, I have the conversation. I also respect his time and realize that sometimes it isn’t a good time for him. It is all about respect and boundaries.
Extended Family
Boundaries with in-laws or relatives can feel tricky, but you are the gatekeeper of your home and your peace.
It’s okay to say, “We’re doing things differently this year,” or “That doesn’t align with how we’re raising our kids.”
This doesn’t just go with our family; this also pertains to our friends. I just bonded with my friend yesterday feeling frustrated when our friends tell us how to parent. Especially when we didn’t ask them! We will raise our children how we want to. Our parents got to raise their kids already and our friends have their own kids to worry about. Whether you are a grandparent, aunt, uncle, coworker or friend, work on only giving advice when it is asked of you. I work on this too because I have a lot of opinions about parenting. I don’t always share them.
Try this instead: Set your boundary before the family event, so everyone knows what to expect.
Friends
If a friendship feels one-sided, exhausting, or emotionally draining, it might be time to reassess. When you get together with a friend, you should leave feeling uplifted. You want to leave the friend feeling good about yourself and them. You want to be excited to plan another get together with them soon. That is a sign that the friendship is working for you. Think about who lifts you up and who drains you.
True friends respect boundaries. If you feel like you can’t be honest with someone, that’s a signal.
Friends also need to respect your time and your values. I have a friend who will tell me how much time she has when we are meeting, and I respect that. We all have our own agendas for our days, and we don’t have endless hours to give to our friends. I am balancing a husband, kids, pets, a house, a job, errands, working out, volunteering…you get the picture and you are doing the same thing. Also, my friends know my values and my good true friends respect them.
If you feel overextended, unappreciated, or taken advantage of, it may be time to lovingly recalibrate. True friendships thrive when both people feel safe and respected.
Try this instead: Check in with how you feel after hanging out. Do you feel energized or wiped out?
Work
Whether you’re in the office or working from home (or both!), it’s easy to let work spill into every hour.
You’re allowed to set work hours. You’re allowed to shut your laptop.
Work-life balance isn’t a myth, it’s a boundary. My husband Seth was telling me about a lady who shuts off her work cell phone at X time every day. She says balance is BS and it’s about boundaries. She has a personal cell phone and a work cell phone.
My work boundaries tend to revolve around my children at this point in my life. I value taking them to school, picking them up from school and driving them to their activities. I find that time with them valuable. I schedule all my work stuff around my kids, and I am rarely flexible on that. Work boundaries are for you and for your family. Your family wants you to be present with them when you are home. I have a friend who spends time with her boys and then when they go to sleep, she will work on more work for the day if she needs to. I would love for her not to have to bring work home with her but that isn’t always realistic.
Try this instead: Create a “shutdown” ritual at the end of your workday. Even a 5-minute routine can help your brain switch gears.
Technology
Our phones can feel like lifelines. Notice how you feel after scrolling social media. Do you feel inspired or discouraged? Set limits, unfollow accounts that drain you, and make space for real-life connection. I am having the best time getting nail ideas, book ideas and recipes on Tik Tok. I find it uplifting. I also don’t let it suck up all my time because it will. When you say that you have no time, I want you to evaluate how much time you spend on social media. That is time that you can take back for yourself. I also respect the boundaries that I see parents setting for their kids. Some ideas of what I have seen:
No social media allowed until X age.
No phone allowed until X age.
Letting your kids know that you will check their phone every night.
Taking the electronics away at X time each night.
We are teaching them to have healthy boundaries in every area of their life.
Try this instead: Pick one hour a day to go screen-free and be fully present. Your brain and heart will thank you.
Self-Care
This one’s big. If we don’t make time for ourselves, no one else will.
Self-care isn’t just bubble baths, it’s saying, “I matter too.”
Protect your rest. Protect your joy. Protect your body and mind. What do you need to yourself to take care of yourself.
Try this instead: Put your self-care on the calendar like any other appointment. Show up for yourself.
Your Inner Critic
We all have that critical inner monologue that whispers, “You should be doing more.”
Guess what? You don’t have to listen to her. You can set a boundary with her, too.
My inner voice has changed from, “You didn’t do enough,” to “You are not defined by what you get done. You need to sit down and take care of yourself.” I also give myself praise during the day.
“I love that meal you cooked.”
“I am impressed with that blog you just wrote.”
“You just organized and put away four loads of laundry. You go girl.”
Boundaries with yourself might mean stopping negative self-talk, letting go of perfectionism, and choosing compassion instead of judgment. When I realized I was being nice to everyone but myself, I realized that it was time to set some boundaries with myself. I deserve my kindness too. One of my favorite new words is compassion!
Try this instead: When that inner critic pipes up, say: “That’s not true. I am doing great.”
Oversharing
Yes, connection is important and so is discernment.
Oversharing too quickly or with people who haven’t earned your trust can leave you feeling exposed or misunderstood.
Healthy boundaries mean asking: Is this the right person, the right time, and the right space for this conversation?
Try this instead: Pause before you share something deeply personal. Ask yourself, “Why am I sharing this and with whom?”
Emotional Dumping
It’s beautiful to support our friends and be supported in return. However, constantly unloading our emotional weight on someone else (or having it dumped on us) can strain any relationship.
Boundaries here help us express our needs without overwhelming the other person or letting ourselves be overwhelmed.
Try this instead: Ask before you vent: “Do you have the space for me to talk about something heavy right now?”
People Who Don’t Respect Boundaries
We’ve all encountered someone who pushes limits, disregards your “no,” or makes you feel guilty for protecting yourself.
It’s okay to create distance or go low-contact with people who consistently disrespect your boundaries.
Try this instead: If someone challenges your boundary, stay calm and repeat yourself. You don’t owe them further explanation.
Final Thought
Boundaries are not just about what you say no to.
They’re about what you say yes to.
Yes to peace.
Yes to respect.
Yes to authenticity.
Yes to emotional safety for you and everyone around you.
You are worthy of that.
Boundaries are an act of love for yourself, for your family, and for your life.
They’re not always easy to set, but they are worth it.
Start small. Pick one area from this list. Practice every day and remember to reassess.
Boundaries aren’t walls, they’re bridges to healthier relationships, to more peace, and to the life we want to build.
Laughing, Learning, Loving,
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
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