I woke up to the ding on my phone telling me that my husband had left the house. I knew where he was going. We have Life 360 on our phones for my party of five and I can’t recommend it enough. It has kept me sane through the first year of my son away at school. It also helps me keep track of my 13-year-old that doesn’t stay still for one moment. I am off topic. Let’s get back to Mother’s Day.
I came downstairs and threw a load of laundry in as my husband walked in with coffee and Paula’s donuts for me. My favorite Mother’s Day breakfast. I got scolded for doing laundry on Mother’s Day, but I enjoy doing laundry (more than any other chore). My one request was that I didn’t have to make any food for Mother’s Day. I don’t love coming up with the food ideas either, but I want to get what I want so I have to tell them. I know they can’t read my mind. An educated guess would work too.
For once, Mother’s Day was sunny, so we ventured out for a nice walk on a bike path. By 1.3 miles Ella was done and wanted to turn around. Note to myself that next time just turn around. I told her I wanted to do the loop and I pushed too far. She was not happy. Walking with daughters who are not happy wasn’t so fun. At least I got a nice long walk in the sun.
We headed to Panera – another meal I didn’t have to cook is a win for me. We went across the street to my parent’s house to see my mom and give her potted plants for her backyard. She has a gorgeous garden.
We would normally have dinner with our moms, but we are postponing it for the following weekend. My son is still away at college. He suggested we wait for him to come home to go celebrate Mother’s Day with everyone. I love his idea and I love that he cares. He apologized for not being here for Mother’s Day. He is busy studying for his finals. This is the first Mother’s Day without all my children home. Our kids grow and things change. Soak up having all your babies home with you. If your kids were away from you for Mother’s Day, I hope you at least had a Face Time call. I’m so thankful for Face Time!
I’ve learned so much this year with Max away at school. That will be another topic full of lessons I’ve learned over the year. One of many lessons is that we don’t have to celebrate on the holiday. We all need to work out which date is best for everyone. This may be an old lesson for you, but this is new for me. I’m learning to be more flexible each year as things change.
When I heard that Dancing with the Stars was coming to town for Mother’s Day, I wanted to go. I figured we would be away with Max for Mother’s Day, so I didn’t buy tickets. When I realized Max was coming home soon, we decided not to go to Ithaca to see him. Instead, I bought myself tickets to see Dancing with the Stars live. I have never gone before and I was so excited. Even more exciting was that Seth, Ella and Lillie all wanted to go with me. A fun Mother’s Day outing that was fabulous. Not only did everyone want to go, we also all really loved it. I got front center row seats which was quite an experience.
We couldn’t end the day without dinner, so I decided to stop at Pearl Street Brewery for a third meal of the day that I didn’t cook. This is a big win for me! We ate dinner and Seth was thrilled that they had the Sabres game on.
By the time we got home I was a cranky mess. “That was not a relaxing day,” I said to Seth. It was a wonderful day. But it wasn’t relaxing. The most relaxing part of the day was when my daughter Lillie put a face mask on me and rubbed my feet. That’s service right there.
My friend stopped by today and I told her what I did for Mother’s Day. She found it exhausting. Most moms would not want a jam-packed Mother’s Day. Maybe I can do a little less next year. As you probably can guess, I learn a lot every Mother’s Day!
Next year I may want to do a little less.
I think we should know what we want to do. I think we should tell our families what we want. I also think we need to pace ourselves. Do you want a fun-filled day or do you want a relaxing day. My friend went to brunch and the movies. That sounds lovely.
I’m proud of myself when I communicate what I want.
I told them that I wanted to go for a walk and go to Dancing with the Stars. I told them where I wanted to eat. I communicated and I was specific. I have heard many women say that their families should just know what they want to do. I agree to a point. I like to eliminate any guessing games. I also could have told them to come up with a plan and then we have to decide to just be happy with what they come up with.
I also realize that some families won’t follow through even if you tell them what you want. I know that you may be afraid of being disappointed or that you aren’t good at communicating what you want. I encourage you to start small with requests. We have to start somewhere. I am a firm believer in that people treat us how we allow them to treat us.
I didn’t let their bad moods bring me down.
Do you have teenagers? Do you have girl teenagers? Their moods are quite the roller coaster ride. My 13-year-old decided to be in a bad mood all day. I thought to myself, “Whatever.” I can let it affect my whole day, or I can enjoy my day regardless of teenage moods.
I don’t need elaborate plans.
It was a day filled with plans. It was more elaborate than usual. Over the years I have learned that all I need is time with my loved ones. I was given the gift of being a mom. I celebrate, treasure, and honor that every day of my life. It’s my dream come true. I look at this family Seth and I created and I feel so much joy and thankfulness.
It doesn’t have to be the whole day.
This Mother’s Day was a full throttle day. It doesn’t have to be that way. It can just be brunch or dinner. I am blessed that they gave me the whole day. A couple of hours is sufficient.
Expectations
Mother’s Day is full of expectations. Maybe your expectations are too high, too low or just right. I want you to set yourself up for success. I hope that you communicated your expectations and got what you wanted. I was so proud of my friend today when she told me that she asked for what she wanted and got it. This makes me so happy! I want women to get what they want. We are all so busy caring for others, and I want you to make it about you a minimum of two days a year: Mother’s Day and your birthday!
Loss
I realize how impactful loss is on Mother’s Day. I lost my dog three months ago. I find myself continuing to cry daily about this. I miss him so much. He was my best friend, my shadow, and my companion as I worked at home every day. My cat Faith and I have been grieving together. He was her best friend too. She has been around me a lot and gives me so much love (and I give it to her too of course). She is helping me through this. I realized it was the first Mother’s Day in a long time that I am not a dog mom anymore. Maybe I am forever a dog mom after having Tanner. I grieve the days of Tanner coming on long family walks for us. I hope I can have that again one day with a new family dog.
I have so many friends who don’t have their mother anymore. Mother’s Day hits differently for them. My mom doesn’t have her mom either. Every Mother’s Day she goes to both of my grandma’s graves. It’s such a lovely tradition that she has. My heart goes out to all the people grieving the loss of their mom or child. I imagine it’s hard to even celebrate Mother’s Day. I told one of my friends to remember to always celebrate herself. She doesn’t have her mom to celebrate but her family still wants to celebrate with her. Her mom would want that. Do something special to honor your loved one if you are feeling a deep loss.
Train your family
My wonderful husband gave me a beautiful gift and gave me a special day. He is so thoughtful, caring and loving. I appreciate him so much. I also made one request: he needs to teach the children to buy me gifts. It doesn’t have to be expensive, but they are old enough to buy me things for Mother’s Day and my birthday. This is on Seth to teach them and organize this. I could also remind my kids to do this but, as most moms understand, they should know this without being told. They need a little dad nudge to remember. Lillie went to the mall and Target. She could have made time. In her defense, she did ask her friends to go to Bath and Body Works with her to buy me new lotion and none of them wanted to. I love that she at least thought of it and I love that Ella and Lillie gave me a card! I also give Max and Ella a slight pass as they are in the middle of exams. It literally takes one second to order something on Amazon. We need to not make excuses for people.
Another Mother’s Day in the books. I am so thrilled that it was sunny all day. I am so thrilled that I had a nice day (mostly) with my family. Every year I learn more. I hope that all the moms out there got at least one thing on Mother’s Day that made them smile. Whether it was the sun, family time, a gift, a phone call, a hug, an outing….. Moms do so much for their families and we all deserve to feel love back on this special day.
I’m sending love out to all the moms reading this. I see you. I appreciate you. I know how awesome you are.
Let us know how your Mother’s Day was. Let us know if you have any Mother’s Day advice.
Laughing, Learning, Loving,
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
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