Ceremonies
Proms
Field trips
Awards
Banquets
Games
Birthdays
Graduations
Celebrations….
The end of the year notes are rolling in! I just keep adding to my calendar and making lists. It has become Maycember and the June jungle in our house. I told my friend that May is almost over and she said, “Watch out for June. It’s worse!” I laughed at her, but she is absolutely 100% right.
I felt myself twitching yesterday at all the notes laying around so I started to get more organized and took some big deep breaths. I know I am not alone so I figured we could all use some end of year reminders. If your child is already done with school, you have already gotten through all this stuff. If you live more North like me, we are still in the thick of it. My son may be home from college, but my girls have school until the end of June. I am very sad to report that the last day of school is my birthday. Growing up, school was never on my birthday. It was a fabulous excuse for a big pool party at the end of school for my birthday. I would say that I have the perfect birthday, except that they could end school a day earlier!
How will I stay sane through the June jungle?
I have come to terms with the fact that I can’t attend everything even though I really want to.
I was taking Junior Prom photos with Ella during Lillie’s flag football game (this game was added on later by the way). I apologized and warned Lillie that I wouldn’t be there, and I recruited my mom to go in my place (Seth was away). I stayed present with Ella enjoying taking all the beautiful photos and talking to all the parents. Stay in the moment where your feet are. My feet were planted firmly and presently in the park with Ella. I got updates from my mom about the game, and I gave myself the permission I needed to miss the game. We are one person and when we have multiple children we can’t do it all.
I have seen many parents start at one game and then venture off to their other child’s game. Whether you miss something or go to part of it, we will do our best and that’s all we can ask of ourselves.
I do think that we need to tell our children what our plans are. My kids usually assume that I will be there, but I let them know when I can’t come.
We also need to be able to prioritize things. Ella getting ready for Junior prom and taking photos takes precedence over a flag football game.
Allow All the Feelings to Flow
If you are going through the last of anything, just expect that there will be some sadness. Just let yourself cry and be sad. Senior year with Max was so emotional and I am about to do it again with Ella. Just be authentic and real and let yourself go through all the feelings you will have. You will be excited, sad, joyful, and so much more.
Even if it isn’t the last, I am still a cryer. I cried at plays, ceremonies, concerts and so much more. When I see my child doing something that they love or are proud of it brings up all the feels. I don’t resist anymore. Just go with it and enjoy the crazy wonderful ride.
Tag people in
One of my favorite silly sayings is, “Tag, you’re it.” I tag in my husband, my parents and my friends. We have to recruit assistance to keep ourselves sane. I have stopped putting everything on me. I know that isn’t feasible or possible. Build yourself a village of people you can tag in. I promise you there are other moms who are happy to help you.
One thing at a time, one moment at a time.
If I look at too many things at once, I get myself into a tailspin. I become a whirlwind of feelings and emotions, and my head starts spinning in overwhelm. I have identified this pattern so I can be aware and stop it as soon as possible. I can feel myself in the tailspin. My heart rate and breathing increase and I get myself upset.
This is a good time to put a red light in your head! Red light yourself and say “Stop.” This is the perfect time to use some of my favorite words:
Reset, rewind, regroup and reframe!
I can feel the tape rewinding in my head as I try again in a better more empowering way. I tell myself things like, “You know you can do it. You are not alone. Take it one day and one thing at a time. You know it all always gets done. Everyone will get where they need to be.” All that internal dialogue helps me through my tailspins. The goal is to avoid the whirlwinds that I feel. Even though I practice and get better, I am not totally free of it, and I still work on this every year at this time. I have had many years of practice. By the time my youngest is a senior I will be a calm crying pro.
June is the month to lower the bar!
I may not have much time to make great dinners. My house might not be as clean. I do find that I work less every June because I am doing so much more for my kids that month. I know everyone’s work life is not flexible. If you are able to take time off or work less this is a good month to flex your schedule.
We need to do whatever we can to keep ourselves and our kids sane and thriving as much as possible through June.
Find some down time for yourself and your kids!
I know that every parent and every child is very different. I also know that every human being needs some rest and recharge time. Make sure you and your children get a few minutes here and there with some peaceful down time. The weather is sunny and nice today and I want to spend some time outside. That is my medicine. I hope that you and your children can find some pockets of time in your busy schedule doing something that helps you to unwind!
Celebrate little wins along the way!
Yesterday I remembered to sign Lillie’s permission slip and order Ella’s senior clothes. I know that sounds small to you, but I praise myself as I get things done. In my defense of Lillie asking me to sign her permission slip many times – I had already signed one and she lost the first one! Second permission slip is signed!
I got Ella’s nails, hair and make up done for prom. I ordered her dress. I gave her money for the ticket. I ordered Lillie’s graduation dress. The list goes on and on. All moms know about the long lists that we accomplish. Remember to give yourself and your children praise as things get accomplished. Ella got through her AP exams and we cheered loud! Max got through all his finals! Cheer yourself and your kids on. I know that you are probably cheering for your kids but please remember to be your own cheerleader too!
Note that Ella just emailed me as I am typing this to give her $28 for the drama club banquet and asked if we can use my mom’s convertible for the homecoming parade. The list continues…
Remember that we are all tired and a bit cranky at times!
I do enjoy being busy. There are also levels of busy. If we are extra busy, we may find ourselves more worn out and cranky. If our children are extra busy, they may feel the same way. Also, studying for all the tests at the end of the year and finishing all the projects can also wear our children out. We need to have grace for ourselves during this upcoming month (and every day), and we need to remember to have a little extra grace for our kids too. My daughter has major middle school senioritis. She is so ready to fly off to high school. We remind our kids to finish strong.
The kids are tired.
The parents are tired.
The teachers are tired.
I promise that summer is coming! We are almost there. We can do it!
Enjoy the moments. Be present. Give yourself grace and praise along the way!
If you have end of the school year advice for parents, please let us know!
Laughing, Learning, Loving,
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
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