Everything happens for a reason. I don’t believe anything is random (unless you decide it is). So, when your gut tells you to do something, listen. When I was a freshman, my gut told me to do the play. Doing the play has helped me transition from a 14 year old who felt like she didn’t know anything about herself to a 17 year old who has some semblance of confidence.
However, when I first went to auditions this year, I felt like I was doing everything wrong. No acting choice was good enough and there were never enough emotions behind anything. Besides, who knows what part I’ll get when there’s only ten named roles? Did I even deserve one of them?
I thought I had changed so much since my first play, but here I was asking myself the same questions I did at 14. Maybe I didn’t change as much as I thought I did.
But, in hindsight, I think the change was less about not asking questions and more about knowing the answers.
The answer to whether I deserved one of the parts was undoubtedly yes. Over the past four years I’ve given the play hours of time, sweat, tears, and all the emotions I could possibly muster. There’s no reason why I didn’t deserve whatever role I got, I had just convinced myself that reality was so far from what it actually is.
Trying to be modest shouldn’t make you forget what you’ve earned. One thing that helps me remember this is attempting to think about myself from someone else’s perspective. If there was someone who didn’t spend every second of the day with me, what would they think?
It’s easy to judge yourself because you know the nuances behind everything you do, but other people don’t see them. They don’t see, or at least don’t care about, the little mistake you made.
Lo and behold, I got a role in the play (shocking, I know). While doing the play, I got to get closer to and learn from so many people. There were so many theater kids who I just wasn’t close with before that I got to know so much better because I let myself talk to them.
That’s the biggest thing I learned from the play: talking to other people doesn’t have to be complicated. I don’t know if it was a conscious shift or just being a senior, but I finally stopped overthinking it and just started saying things and magically it worked. This allowed me to get closer with everyone until it felt like the cast was one big friend group instead of a bunch of smaller ones.
Honestly, that’s the most important lesson from the play. Life is so much more fun when you’re not constantly analyzing and thinking about everything, but trying to stop thinking is so hard. What works for me is just relaxing. When I’m struggling to talk to someone it’s usually because I’m stressed about something else, so if I just relax talking gets easier.
My last play was a wonderful experience. I am thankful for my four years of high school plays. I made memories that I will always remember. I made friendships. I gained confidence. I got to do something I love. I went out with a bang with a part everyone told me was perfect for me. I will never forget Polly.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Ella Greene is a young writer from Buffalo, New York who writes Teenage Tuesday and has had poetry featured in numerous journals including Maudlin House and BlazeVox. Ella is a senior in high school and is involved in numerous clubs including Broadcast club, STUCO, Rising Electorette, Yearbook, Drama Club, and WISP.
