On August 18, 2025 we moved my son Max to college. On August 19th, we left him there and ventured home. I cried on the ride home. Everyone warned me that the drive home was hard. I agree with them, but no one warned me about the first night. It started to sink in that he was living somewhere else, and I had this horrible feeling of separation anxiety. I cried and told my husband we made a big mistake, and we should have made him go to school here at home. I cried, “Why do I always put everyone’s needs ahead of my own? Why don’t I ever think about what I want?” I cried and cried and told my husband I would never sleep. Eventually I exhausted myself and fell asleep.
The first week was extremely hard. I can’t even express to you how hard it was. I cried every day that first week of college. My friend told me she cried for a week and then it stopped. She was right. That’s exactly what happened. Every morning, I woke up with a pit in my stomach that he wasn’t there. Every night I went to bed knowing that he was going to bed 2.5 hours away.
I noticed that every day it got easier.
I noticed that we got into a new normal.
I noticed that texting him every day was helping me.
I have talked to so many moms since they dropped their kids at college. I have learned a lot in this first month and I know I will continue to learn and grow through this process. I want to continue to share with you on this journey so that we can learn and grow together. I also think that if I would have had this to read before I dropped Max off that it would have helped me. Maybe I can help and prepare a mom better than I was and give her an easier experience.
Please don’t let anyone tell you the rules of what is right or wrong for your family.
This goes for how often to see your children or call your children. Every child is different, and every parent is different. Some parents are talking to their kids’ multiple times a day and some are talking once a week. Some parents see their kids a couple times a month, and some parents are waiting until Thanksgiving to see their child. I want you to find out what works for you and your child. I also recommend telling your kid what you need from them. Max knows that I need to text a lot. He will get back to me when he can. He usually responds at some point within the day. I have respect for how busy he is. I also laugh because when he texts or calls, I drop everything to talk to him.
Don’t expect every day to go perfectly for your college student.
Max is doing so well and I’m so proud and happy for him. I also know that realistically everything is not going to be smooth and perfect. There is so much to learn. He is learning how to schedule himself better next semester. He is learning how to get through a 12 hour day and eat enough. He is learning what dining halls are open when and when the best time is to do laundry. There is so much to learn. I will be there for the phone calls whether it’s how to do laundry or to be interviewed for his paper.
Embrace the Easy
I realized one night that dinner is easier. I don’t have to cook as much. I welcome cooking for Max any time but how about embracing the easier side of things. I have less cooking and less laundry. I would love to be doing Max’s laundry and cooking his food, but I’ll enjoy the easier side of things. I also find that grocery shopping is a little less too. Even though you would rather be shopping and cooking for them, embrace what is easier in your life while they are at school.
Make a date – go with the flow of it
I have found that I do better if I know when I’m going to see Max next. I made a date with Max in September for us to go see him and he needed to reschedule. It turned out that he had a lot due on Monday so we said we would try for the following weekend. I told Max that even if I just got a hug and dropped off food, that I would be good with that. I didn’t have a time expectation. I just needed a hug. He ended up spending the day with us and it was wonderful. Now I know that I will see him in another three weeks. He has a lot of breaks coming up each month so I know I will see him.
Build up your Supplies
I figured out that buying things to replenish Max’s supplies was really helpful for me. I felt like I was helping and taking care of him. I bought him all the snacks he wanted. I bought him sanitizer and cleaning wipes he asked for and I threw in extra stuff that I thought he would like. My mom sent cookies. It felt really good to stock him up.
I hope you will continue to take this college journey with us. We will take you along for the ride and tell you what we learn along the way. I don’t expect it to be smooth sailing. I do know that I am here every step of the way for all three of my kids. I will be there for them through the ups and downs. Please feel free to share your college wisdom with us. We would love to hear from you and learn from you. Even if you just want to share what is going well and what isn’t. We are here for you too along the way. We continue to grow up with our kids. We are learning and growing through the college years.
Laughing, Learning, Loving,
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
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