I have learned something about my husband Seth over the years.
He does not like car shopping.
Not a little. Not “Let’s just make this quick.”
He would prefer that I don’t have him come at all. Maybe I can just pick a car for both of us and save him the shopping part.
Then there’s me.
I like to look at my options. I want to sit in every seat, open every trunk, press every button, and ask every question. I want to compare. I want to feel it. I want to be sure.
So naturally, this is where we thrive as a couple.
Here’s how it goes in real life:
We pull into a dealership.
I’m excited.
“This is fun! Let’s look at everything!”
Seth is already mentally exhausted.
“Which one do you want?”
Not which one are we looking at.
Not what do you like about this one.
“Which one are you getting?”
He wants one thing:
Done.
Seth likes when things are accomplished. Finished! Donzo!
I want one thing:
Explore!
The disconnect is very interesting.
I’m over here saying:
“Let’s test drive the Toyota, the Hyundai, and the Kia. Maybe just one more!”
Seth is saying:
“Pick one. I’ll come back when you’re done.”
Honestly, I think if I texted him,
“Decision made,” he would magically reappear!
Here’s the part that made me laugh!
It also made me think.
It’s not really about car shopping.
It’s about how we move through decisions differently.
Seth is a closer.
He wants:
- efficiency
- clarity
- a finish line
He trusts that once a decision is made, it’s the right one and he’s ready to move on.
I am a processor.
I want:
- options
- time
- the feeling that I’ve seen enough to know
I don’t rush decisions because I want to feel confident before I land.
Neither of us is wrong.
In the middle of it, it can feel like we’re on completely different planets.
Here’s the lesson I’m learning (in the middle of the dealership parking lot):
He’s not rushing me because he doesn’t care.
I’m not dragging it out because I’m indecisive.
We’re just wired differently.
There’s something really good in that.
Left to his own devices, Seth would’ve bought the first car we saw and called it a day.
Left to mine, I might still be test driving vehicles three weeks from now.
Marriage is the balance.
He pulls me toward decision.
I pull him toward consideration.
Somewhere in the middle we usually land in a really good place.
Eventually!
The real takeaway?
It’s easy to get annoyed in moments like this.
To think:
“Why won’t he just do this my way?”
or
“Why is she making this so complicated?”
What if:
The difference is actually the strength?
What if the thing that frustrates you is the same thing that keeps your life balanced?
Here’s where we landed:
I’ll do the exploring.
He’ll show up for the final decision.
We’ll both try not to roll our eyes in the process.
I’ve learned not to make him go every time I test drive a car. He’s learned to give me the time and space I need to make a decision.
Good times in marriage.
Real life.
Different styles.
Same team.
If you need me, I’ll be test driving one more car.
Just to be sure.
We don’t need to be the same. We can learn from each other, grow together, and learn how to make things happen as a marital team.Top of Form
Seth, thanks for letting me be me. Thanks for buying cars with me. Thanks for being my husband.
Cheers to car shopping. If you want to weigh in on the next 3 row SUV I get, comment below!
Laughing with Seth, Learning with Seth, Loving Seth, Shopping (maybe not with Seth),
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
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