Oh, did I learn a lot this birthday. A lot. I have so much to share for us all (including me) to learn from. Take the birthday ride with me and I promise it will make all our birthdays improve.
I am still wrapping my mind around the fact that I turned 50. I went to see my wonderful chiropractor this morning, and I said it out loud for the first time. This is a big birthday. For 40 I had a skating party and invited all my people. Knowing how I am, I should have done a similar thing for 50. I should have planned myself a big birthday extravaganza. However, I am tired of planning everything. I would have loved for someone else to have said to me – I am going to plan you a birthday party.
I want to pause and give a royal huge shout out to Meggan and Clare for spear heading my surprise birthday party at book club. I did have a birthday party all because of them. Meggan was the ringleader with the sweet idea and Clare ran with it and created an entire beach theme for me. A night I will always remember. I also had a wonderful celebration with my GG’s and my playground posse! I have a couple more celebrations with friends so I am definitely having some fun!
In retrospect, I wanted the big party. I wanted to rent a restaurant and invite all my people and celebrate. Sometimes we don’t know what we want. My fabulous husband can also make me feel bad about spending money. I don’t want to throw him under the bus in this blog as he did a lot right.
It just so happens that I was due to get a new car which we completed. Seth was also due to get a new car. Seth is on me to go replace my phone. We also sat down and booked a trip to Universal as all of us want to check out Epic Universe. My dream was to go for my birthday, but Max wanted to work and didn’t want to ask off. How can I be upset with my responsible son who asked us to wait for him. This leads to the trip that we all asked for being postponed until December when we can all go.
Cars were completed. Trip was booked. Seth felt like he spent enough money and I agreed. I ditched the party idea and my present idea. I thought I embraced my new car as my present. I sound like a royal brat sometimes. Let’s not forget that we need new pool stairs that I also asked for!
Let’s fast forward to my birthday. It is June 25th and I wake up balling. I had a dream about Tanner (my dog who passed away). He came to me in my dream and I just kept telling him that I missed him as I pet him. I feel like he was saying Happy Birthday! I woke up so upset and ran to Seth. The day didn’t get much better.
It rained the whole day!
We went to get Seth’s dad’s car that we got repaired and then we drove far to get my cake. I was getting increasingly cranky with all the errands.
I went to school to take a photo of Lillie and her friends on their last day of middle school and then they were off running. They went to lunch and then brought crafts back to my house to do. Let’s also add that Lillie had flag football practice and it took me 45 minutes to drive there and 45 minutes to drive home. By the time I got home from dropping her off I was miserable and wanted to scrap the day and go to bed. I did not go to dinner where I wanted for various reasons that I won’t list right now. However, I did get to go to a nice birthday dinner, and Lillie did get dropped off to enjoy it with us.
I am about to go out to dinner with my very good friend to the place that I wanted to go to on my birthday. We are going to end our birthday month together!
Seth took the day off on my birthday, which was very sweet of him but neither of us had an agenda. It rained so there was no swimming and relaxing. Seth and I did not have back up plans. Seth also handed me a birthday card, and I wanted to lose it. The good news is he had all the kids buy me gifts as I asked him to train them. The bad news is he handed me a card.
“I thought the car and the trip were your presents. I thought you were going to get new pool stairs and a new phone,” Seth stated his very accurate case.
The man was acting completely clueless. Yes, you are all right in thinking that I am being a total brat. I hear you. It was my 50th birthday. I wanted someone to do something special for me. It felt like any other birthday. It was extra crappy because of the rainy weather the entire day.
Thankfully I planned an entire weekend in Ithaca for myself. I hadn’t seen Max in a month, and I wanted to go see him and celebrate with him. It was my first birthday that he missed. As the kids get older, I don’t expect them all to be home for my birthday.
I planned out college tours for Ella. I planned out a hike and a dinner for me. It was the perfect weekend. My actual birthday wasn’t too great, but the birthday weekend was wonderful. The weather cooperated and we had a wonderful time together.
Turning 50 seems big and I wanted something big.
It is not my fault that my car lease was up.
It is not just for me to plan a family vacation.
I know that I want new pool stairs but how is that a 50th birthday gift? The new pool that I really wanted or a puppy – now those are 50th birthday gifts!
I wanted something that was just for me. I wanted a big huge celebration. Seth offered to take me anywhere. I planned an Ithaca weekend that was lovely, but he was going to take me to the Atlantis where I have been dreaming to go to.
Birthday lessons for all of us:
Plan BIG!
Plan the big trip for your birthday.
Plan the big party with your loved ones.
You only turn 50 once. Plan big!
I am way too nice and I worry about others. Sometimes I need to think about myself. A lesson I keep repeating. Think about yourself first sometimes!!!
Tell everyone what you want and what your expectations are. I was super annoyed that Lillie had plans Thursday (my birthday), Friday and Saturday (Ithaca weekend). I needed to tell her that this big birthday was about me and not her. I let her make me feel bad and it made me cranky. I did make her go to Ithaca even though she wanted to rush home to her friend’s party.
I know my kids are getting older and have their own agenda but sometimes it is about me. Sometimes it is about family time.
Figure out what you want and tell people. I didn’t really know what I wanted. I always tell women to ask for what they want. They have to know what they want, and they have to feel comfortable telling their people. We worry about everyone else. Sometimes we need to worry about ourselves!
I always tell women to tell their people what they want. I get so upset when women get let down because their family didn’t do anything or didn’t do what they want. I have decision fatigue. I am tired of making so many decisions. Sometimes I want Seth to take the bull by the horns and plan it. He doesn’t know that unless I tell him. So here we sit back where we started that we have to communicate.
We have to go after we want. We have to know what we want and make it happen and we can’t wait for other people to come up with anything.
I did a lot right and a lot wrong this birthday.
I got a new car.
I got a lot of family time.
I got to see Max.
I’ve had a lot of friend time!
It’s all about what we focus on.
I have taken notes for myself and will do even better next time.
Note to husbands everywhere: We are tired. We want you to take the bull by the horns and plan stuff. Romance your wife. Make us feel super special.
For your next birthday, I expect you to make it about you. Ask for the present, the party, the family time. Get what you want. We always talk about advocating for our kids. Advocate for yourself too!
Note: Talk about the puppy during my vlog!
Laughing, Learning, Loving, and Celebrating!!!
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
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