It is homecoming season at school. I currently have one child in college and two in high school. My senior was not happy that her school ended up with homecoming week the second week of school. Nothing like starting school and then jumping right into homecoming. The freshman barely knows the school and they jump right into spirit week and all the homecoming festivities. As much as I love the kids just going with a group of friends, surprisingly a lot of them even found time to get dates! I was impressed!
Here I sit after homecoming week processing the whole thing. One daughter who just attended her last homecoming and one daughter who just attended her first homecoming. I had all the feels. I was emotional because it was Ella’s last homecoming. I was emotional because it was Lillie’s first homecoming. I was emotional for so many reasons.
I have seen a lot in my five years of high school with my children. I have observed how different my children are with homecoming. I have also heard from a lot of moms and how their children experience homecoming. There is no right or wrong way to experience homecoming. I have found that we need to find out what works for each child.
Some kids don’t want to attend the dance and say that it’s just not for them.
Some kids want to go with their date, and it be just the two of them.
Some kids want to go with one friend.
Some kids want a small group to go with, and they get overwhelmed by large groups.
Some kids say the more the merrier and have a ton of friends that they want to go with.
My three very different children fit into a lot of those very different categories!
That is just for before the dance plans that we are starting with. I had two daughters in two directions, and I wasn’t wanting to miss either of the before the dance festivities. I didn’t know how I was going to make this work. You are probably thinking to have my husband or a friend help me with photos and that is the logical thing to do. I was not feeling very logical. I was feeling like an emotional mom. I also know that my husband would take a few photos and be done. If you know me you know how many pictures that I take!
Sometimes organizing before the dance is easy and sometimes it is very stressful. I have hosted many times. The kids are all always welcome at my house. I have a more the merrier philosophy that I am trying to instill in my children. I want my house to have an open door for their friends. I want to continue to teach them an inclusive mind set. They can invite whoever they want. If children ask to come the answer is always, “yes.” Especially the children who have not been invited anywhere. Especially children who are feeling left out. There have been many years where it has been easy. There have also been a lot of challenges.
Who are they going with?
Do they have a date?
Who’s house are they going to?
Where do they want to take pictures?
Do they want pictures?
What are the plans before the dance and after the dance?
Plans that keep changing.
Plans that need to be agreed on by the group.
Children who want to go out and continue the festivities after the dance.
Children who want to leave the dance early.
Children who want to party it up until the end.
Children who are exhausted after and want to come home.
I have seen a lot!
Organizing all of this can be easy and it can be painful.
Lillie left and went down the street with her friends to get ready with them. I wasn’t happy about it. I wanted my girls to get ready at home. I wanted to get pictures of both of my daughters all dressed up together. I let it go. I pick my battles. I wasn’t going to take away from Lillie getting ready with her friends. I also requested for them to take a photo together at the dance. I wanted a full body photo, but I’ll take what I got!
Thankfully at 6:00 Lillie and her friends were ready for photos, so I flew down the street to see my beauty and her beautiful friends all dressed up. I had a ball taking their photos and talking to all the other parents. I was watching the clock. I got to experience this with Lillie, and it was super important to me to be present with Ella for her last homecoming photos.
Some friends wanted photos at a friend’s house. Some wanted photos at a park. I just needed them to agree so that I could show up with my camera as the ultra Momarazzi fan. As I was wrapping it up to go see Ella and friends, Lillie and her friends decided to go take more photos at the park. I recruited my wonderful friends to take photos and off I went to Ella. Keeping up with my daughters and their plans and their friends plans was an emotional roller coaster for me. I allowed myself to ride the roller coaster. I needed to just tell myself that it would all work out and it did.
I like a laid-out plan of exactly what is going to happen. Partly so that I am prepared – like if they care coming to my house! Partly because I was trying to take photos for two daughters. Next year I will ride the Lillie wave, and it won’t matter what they come up with at the last minute because I will only have one daughter to take photos of.
Off I went to take photos of Ella in the same neighborhood not far from Lillie’s photos! Big score for me! There was a Disney type theme for the dance and Ella had a whole Cinderella vibe going. I loved the dress and the whole look, and I was emotional realizing that I only have one dance left with her. The year can go slow because this child of mine is ready to fly from the nest. Don’t go too far Ella!
Ella trying to organize her friends via text wasn’t going so well. She reminds me of myself, and she tries hard to be organized and have things planned out well. She also always asks me if she can host at our house. You know that I said that my door is always open, but I loved it when they took photos at the park. Such a prettier vibe.
I try hard to stay out of texting the parents. I let my girls make their own plans and I think that’s an important skill for them to learn. However, sometimes I do step in. I also feel like parents should confirm plans with each other.
Ella’s friend’s mom had the brilliant idea of taking photos at the famous Halloween house in my neighborhood who also is one of their best friends. This is why parents need to talk to other parents. This is where the magic happens. The moms worked it out and awesome photos were taken.
Some parents want to volunteer at the dance.
Some parents want a fun night out with other parents.
Some parents want to decompress at home.
I did not volunteer. Please don’t fall over. My husband was leaving for a work trip, and I was very excited to go on a date with him before he left. I volunteer for so much but sometimes I don’t. I went to dinner with Seth and caught my breath after a crazy week. I breathed and drank and ate and just kept telling Seth how happy I was. I pulled off a lot this week and it was time to breathe and relax.
Ella’s friend drove her home after the dance! This is where we have arrived to. He drove her home safely!
Lillie never asked me for a ride and ended up going out with her friends. I needed more updates on rides etc. She did walk through the door safely, but more communication is needed next time! Note to self to text her friends or friends’ moms when Lillie’s battery is at 5%! Note to Lillie to bring a charger wherever she goes!
I wasn’t sure if all her friends were going to walk through my door at any point. I wasn’t sure if any of them would end up sleeping here! I was not prepared and I did not get an update. I just try to go with the flow! My type A personality is pushed as a mom to move more towards type B. They have been successful in shifting me. You can’t be a super type A personality with kids unless you want to drive yourself absolutely nuts. That’s just my two cents.
So, what was bad and ugly about this homecoming and what did I learn?
The good stuff first:
It all worked out and both girls had an awesome time. That is what it’s all about.
The bad:
The stress of planning. Who is going? Who isn’t? Where are they going before and after? What plans are going to stick? Honestly, my head was spinning. All us moms want is for our kids to get dressed up and go have a good time with their friends.
Your child may have wanted to drive to homecoming alone and meet their friends there. I have learned over the years that there is no right way to do homecoming. Whatever your children want to do. I hope that they enjoyed themselves. Whether it was relaxing at home and skipping it or dancing it up at the party. I just want our children to be true to themselves and to enjoy high school as best as they can. These years go by so fast.
As I look back at my high school years, most of it was a blur. I have learned so much since then. I am learning to go with the flow of life. That is what the universe keeps telling me to do.
Love to you and your family!
I was laughing my way through homecoming week, learning a lot, and always loving through the process,
Laughing, Learning, Loving,
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
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