Every year on my birthday I write about what I have learned over the years. I feel as though every day is a new adventure in laughing, learning and loving. My friend asked me if I would want to go back to high school and my response was, “No way!” I love my life right where I am right now. I am married to a wonderful man. We have three fantastic kids who are currently 18, 16 and 12 years old. We have our golden retriever Tanner and our two cats Faith and Joy. We live near all our parents. Seth is thriving at work and in life. I work part time around our children’s schedules and really feel like we have built an amazing life together. I feel blessed every day. With that being said, don’t start puking, it is not all roses and sunshine. There are bumps along the way. We learn to ride the waves together. I treasure the present moment, and I realize that every day and every year is a gift. As I turn 49, I am going to take some time to reflect and share my reflections with you so that we can both learn and grow together.
As I turn 49, here is what I want to share:
Celebrate your birthday!
We are so good at celebrating everyone else. We are good at making our husband and kids feel special. We are good at being the magical holiday fairies that we are during December. I even see mom’s making St. Patrick’s day magical for their children. You deserve to be celebrated too. I love my birthday. I will always tell everyone how old I am. I have no shame. I do not feel old. I am young at heart, and I hope that when I turn 50 next year no one believes me. Be proud of your age and celebrate your birthday! June 25th we will celebrate my birthday, my son graduating and our summer beginning. It’s a big day. Tomorrow is finally the last day of school! Longest school year ever!
Find small joys all day long! Get excited!
I have noticed something very different about me this year. I find joy all day long. I get excited about things all day long. I think that this is the key to happiness. I get excited about my coffee. I get excited to write this blog. I get excited to read my book. I get excited when my teenagers hop in my car. I get excited when my husband gets home. I find joy all day long and it makes me very happy.
Book the trip!
We all have so many expenses. The house, the cars, the pets, the kids, the pool, and now college is a short list (not our long list) of expenses. Sometimes I think that we shouldn’t spend money on travel. I have also realized that my favorite treasured times are when my family travels together. I personally think we should spend money on the trip and book the trip. I recently spent money on a trip to Toronto with my daughter and her friends and she will always remember that. That was money well spent. I dream of going to Hawaii and Europe. Book the trip. Take the vacation. Go make treasured memories with your family.
Treasure time with your loved ones!
This one is so obvious. What is important? My loved ones – my family and my friends are most important to me. All five of us were in the pool together and I couldn’t be happier. When we were in Virginia my mom made a comment about how much she loves us all together and I got this overwhelming sense of happiness. This is what life is about.
Be the tour guide not the controller!
As our children grow up, it is our job to keep stepping back. I remember when Lillie was a one year old wanting to put her shoes on herself. Let them! Let them do things themselves whenever they want to. Lillie now wants to make her own breakfast and lunch – awesome! Less work for me! Max filled out most of his college stuff without me. Fabulous! Every year I step back more. I don’t need to control what they are doing but I do still need to guide them.
Just Show up! It’s that simple!
We worry too much about doing the right thing as parents. Our kids are never looking to us to be the perfect parent or to do the perfect thing. They just want us to show up and make them feel like they matter. Play season, dance recitals, award ceremonies, soccer games, football games, cheerleading competitions and more – Seth and I show up for our kids. I see my kids look to see where I am and it fills my heart with so much joy. They don’t care if I made the perfect dinner before the football game, but they do care if I show up. My husband’s smile gets a little bigger when he sees me sitting at his mastermind meetings. I promise you don’t have to do a perfect job. I also know there is our work life and our personal life that may make it that we can’t always be there. Just do your best. That’s all everyone asks of you.
Connection over Correction! Bite your tongue!
The older I get the less I say. Call it wisdom. Call it more self control. I don’t have to say everything that I think. I’m an extrovert and extroverts want to word vomit it all out. Introverts seem to have more self control in general. I think to myself, “Is this important enough to say.” I may want my husband to be more anal when he cuts the lawn. Instead of criticizing him, how about I say, “Thank you so much for cutting the lawn after such a long work day. I appreciate you.” One makes him feel bad and the other makes him feel loved and appreciated. I don’t need to say everything. Look for ways to connect with your people instead of correcting them. My husband and kids will tell you that I am not perfect at this, but I keep working on this one.
Self Care is Wisdom
That walk – It’s my therapy. That book I read for fun – that’s fuel. Saying, “I need a break” isn’t weakness it’s wisdom. Saying no to adding something else to my schedule today – I’m trying to take care of myself. I have enough to do this week. My husband is great at reminding me to sit down. Take care of yourself. You don’t need to be productive all day. Go sit yourself down with a drink and put your feet up mama!
Get outside!
I am going to give you a couple of tricks for mental health. First is to go get yourself outside every day. Even in the winter. I took a beautiful three mile walk today. In the wintertime I just do a quick walk around the block if I’m too cold. I always feel so much better when I have some outside time. I have been sitting outside for hours typing. The sun is shining, and the breeze is blowing. I am currently looking at my flowers as I type this. My favorite workstation is my backyard. If you are feeling down or anxious, go step outside.
Move!
Last but certainly not least, move your body! Move your body every day. I have my steps app on my phone, and I will make sure I walk 10,000 steps every day. Our bodies are not meant to sit every day. If you work at a desk like I do, get up and take breaks and move and stretch. Go get a drink. Go take a quick walk and come back to your computer. You will be more productive, and you will feel better. My mental health is so much better after I move my body! Take the walk. Lift the weights. Don’t sit all day.
Every year I get a little smarter. Every year I learn more lessons. Every year I grow as a person and like myself better. I love being a wife and mom. I love being a social worker. I am going to soak it all up and enjoy it. I am excited for the year ahead. I’m 49 and I’m not just feeling fine – I feel fantastic, and I say bring it on! Let’s do this. I’m ready for 49 and I’m excited.
Happy Birthday to me!
Laughing, Learning, Loving,
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
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