My mom told me I need to start noticing what I do right. All day, I’m constantly giving myself “feedback.” It’s just a running list of everything I’m doing wrong and how I think I can be better. All it does is make me so stressed I can’t possibly think of anything other than how bad I am at whatever I happen to be doing.
During rehearsal, the pattern started as it usually does. “Why did I say my line like that,” and “Why did I mess up that blocking,” just kept repeating and repeating. Literally yesterday I would’ve thought that this was the only way to improve. Doesn’t everyone have thoughts like this?
No (apparently). They don’t. Some people give themselves praise every once-in-a-while. I decided to try that today. I started to notice when I said a line right, the 39 points I did earn on my math test, and the humor in this blog that’s actually kind of funny. It didn’t automatically fix every mistake, but at least I got the chance to process my mistakes calmly instead of overdramatizing.
What I’m trying to say is, I don’t think anyone gets better when every mistake is proof they shouldn’t be doing something. Whether it’s driving, acting, or school, there needs to be some kind of recognition or everything just feels dull. Every problem in math class feels like a test, or every rehearsal feels like there are a million heartless adjudicators watching waiting to tear me apart word by word. Every time I get a problem or a word wrong, I have to do another hour of practice, even if I got twenty right.
How do you improve then? You can’t constantly tell yourself how great you are because then there’s nowhere to go. There’s definitely a balance I haven’t found yet. It’s somewhere between the heartless adjudicator and my mom.
Until next time,
Ella
Note from my mom: If you start taking notice of everything you do right all day then it multiplies.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Ella Greene is a young writer from Buffalo, New York who writes Teenage Tuesday and has had poetry featured in numerous journals including Maudlin House and BlazeVox. Ella is a senior in high school and is involved in numerous clubs including Broadcast club, STUCO, Rising Electorette, Yearbook, Drama Club, and WISP.
