My birthday is tomorrow. I haven’t quite wrapped my mind around turning 50. Every single one of you who has told me that you don’t believe that I am turning 50 has made this transition much easier for me. I keep reminding myself that it’s how I feel inside and that every year is a blessing. Let’s all take each year with grace and appreciation. 50 brings so many things for me. It brings me 50 years of wisdom and lessons. It brings me 50 years of collecting wonderful people into my life. I can absolutely tell you that I am most thankful for my family and friends. All the other stuff is wonderful extras and the people, and the love is what truly matters to me.
As I look forward to this next decade, I would like to reflect on some of the wisdom that I have acquired over the years and my hopes and dreams for the next decade.
Make the Memories!
Do I want an eternity band and more diamonds? Always! What do I really truly want in my heart? I want to create precious memories with my family. When we look back, I realize how much I value the vacations. They have become more special to me as my kids get older. They have also become harder to schedule. As our kids get older and are in college and get jobs, it becomes more difficult to schedule something for all five of us. We have scheduled the desired Universal trip that my kids have all requested. Next up in this next decade I hope to travel to places like Europe and Hawaii. We’ve also scheduled a big beach vacation for my family this summer. I hope to continue to make really special memories. However:
I treasure simple things too!
Max is away until August, but the girls, Seth and I were all in the pool together on Father’s day. I saw the smile on Seth’s face, and I know how much we both treasured those moments on Sunday. I just drove Lillie and her friends to school, and I value and appreciate that. I see how fast time goes. I know they will be driving themselves to school before I blink. As I drive Lillie and her friends around this summer I will be smiling doing that. I am not including Ella because Ella will get her license very soon. I will however taxi Ella and her friends any time. I value more of the little things. I find simple joys all through my day. I have also learned to:
Get Excited all day!
I get excited to make my special coffee drink with collagen and protein. I get excited to watch a show with Seth. I get excited to take a walk in this beautiful weather. I was excited to sit down and write this for you. I find myself getting excited and smiling all day long. I stop and smell the roses more. I advise us all to smile and get excited all day every day!
Make the Plans!
I am going to tell you what I tell my children and that is not to wait for others to make the plans and invite you. Make it happen. If there is someone that you want to see, make the first move! I get very frustrated trying to coordinate dates with everyone but it is so worth it. When I am tired after a long day and I go out I am always thankful that I did. Being with our people is what life is all about. Make plans and see your people!
Don’t Drag it!
A lesson from my 13-year-old. I get upset and then she wants me to just move on and let it go. “Don’t drag it,” she says to me. You may think that is disrespectful. I am not going to argue with you. Raising teenage girls is a whole new interesting world for me. The first time she said it I looked at her angry. Then I stopped and thought that is a really good lesson in life. Don’t drag things out. Let it go and move forward. I am still working on this, but I have gotten so much better.
Pause!
One of my most important words that I share with everyone is the word pause. The pause takes us closer to responding vs. reacting. I felt the anger boil inside of me and I snapped at this lady. Looking back, if I had taken a deep breath and thought for a moment I probably would have handled it better. I also know that I am allowed to get angry and that I am not going to be perfect! I will keep practicing the pause button and the more I practice it the more it comes easily to me. Practice helps with everything!
Give myself Grace!
I do continue to mess up. I am allowed to get upset. I am allowed to be angry. The goal is to do so in a respectful calm manner. When my breathing and heart race increase, I know that is my signal to stop and take some deep breaths. Don’t knock the deep breaths. They have helped me with my parenting tremendously. I stop and breathe and calm myself and it makes me a better person and parent. When I mess up, I tend to go back and evaluate it and have learned to give myself the same grace and understanding that I give to everyone else.
Follow my Instincts!
My instincts tend to be right. The lady that I reacted to is a lady that has always rubbed me the wrong way. When you feel your instincts blaring at you about someone, listen to yourself. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I can be too nice and too understanding. It is ok to not like someone. I don’t have to like everyone. It is okay to set boundaries. It is okay to not welcome certain people into my life. I have let my guard down and have tried to give people another chance and it doesn’t seem to go well. “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time!” Says the great Maya Angelou!
Make the goals and go after them!
I think we should always have new goals. One of my big goals for 50 is to work on my book. I said I wanted to write more and read less, and I don’t know that I have accomplished that. I have fitness goals. I think we should always make and have goals that we go after. If you can dream it up, then you can make it happen. If you have something that you have always wanted to do, this is your gentle nudge to go after it!
Ride the waves with my support system!
There have been bumps in the road. Losing my beloved dog and watching our parents go through hard things has been hard. Dropping Max off at college was hard. Every day is not all roses and sunshine. I look for the roses and sunshine and that makes me happier. I also have hard things that we are dealing with. We go through it with our supports. My husband, my kids, my parents, and my friends all surround me with love and support. I can picture that day in the kitchen when my parents both came up to me with the biggest hug as I balled about my dog. I lost my best friend this year. He was my constant companion. It’s been hard. Stuff with our parents has been hard. Seeing my friends lose their parents has been hard. I will ride the waves with the love and support that is always around me. I feel and treasure the love and support that I have in my life.
Set Boundaries!
Another lesson that I have embraced and am teaching to my children is that people only treat you how you allow them to treat you. I was just talking to my youngest about setting some boundaries. I also have to set boundaries with my kids on how they are allowed to talk to me. I have had to set boundaries with other people in my life. Have a backbone. Be assertive. Set the boundary. You will respect yourself more!
My friend says to me last night, “You seem so happy.” Well, that’s because I am. I feel so thankful and blessed every single day. I look around me at all my blessings every day. I hope to get smarter and calmer with each year. I hope to watch my husband and kids continue to soar. I hope to continue to grow Whinypaluza and have fun with it, help people and provide for my family. I hope for my continued health and to only get healthier. I have so many hopes and dreams.
I hope that I can help us all learn to embrace and celebrate every year. Let’s all take better care of ourselves and remember that we are only as old as we feel.
Cheers to turning 50. I will embrace it and look forward to this next chapter.
Thank you for taking the journey with me and for being part of my village.
Laughing, Learning, Loving, and Celebrating!!!
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
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