If there was a sport for overthinking, I think moms would take the gold. Us moms are good at overthinking things with ourselves, our kids, our husband, our friends, our extended family members, at work….you name it and we have overthought something in that category. I wrote a previous blog called The Overthinking Olympics that you can look up on my website whinypaluza.com.
My goal is for you to decrease from a gold medal to failing the sport by the end of this. I don’t want you to win the overthinking Olympics. Let’s see how I do.
We have a thought and we think that it deserves our attention. Not only do we think that it deserves our attention, but we also believe whatever our brain tells us.
We make up scenarios that thankfully never happen. We rehearse it in our minds. We think about every worse case scenario! We drive ourselves completely crazy but that’s okay because we will be well prepared is what we think!
We think that if we sit here and think, then we are doing something. It makes us feel productive. We are only making ourselves more upset. What are you thinking about? What can you do at this moment to make yourself feel better? Is there something that you can do to make progress and move forward?
We spend an hour worrying. We stay up late worrying. We wake up worrying. We lose sleep. We don’t solve anything. We waste our time. We waste our energy. We take away our peace of mind.
Maybe we have convinced ourselves that if we spend time overthinking then we are protecting ourselves from it ever happening.
Our brain believes us. We fall into the negative thinking trap, and our brain thinks we are right. We use our powers and we take ourselves deep into the mind blowing never ending negative thinking hole.
This is a love letter to moms everywhere. I want to save you from yourself. I have been there many times. I still fall into the trap. I want to take you out of the overthinking trap.
Step one is always the awareness of what you are doing. I saw myself eat Oreo cookies. I can’t tell anyone that I ate healthy all day because I just witnessed myself eating the cookies. In the same regards, we need to be aware of the overthinking trap.
Once you decide to be more aware of it. What do you want to do about it? Do you want a better way? I think you do!
Have you ever asked yourself if you are right? Have you ever asked what your proof is? You may be thinking about a scenario. My guess is that you are making things up about what is going to happen or what the other person is thinking. I want you to remember two very important things:
Your brain lies to you. We all believe ourselves and think everything we say is true. There are so many times that I have been wrong. Think about all the times that what you thought was inaccurate.
It’s not about you. We tend to take so many things personally. I just heard about my friend having a really hard time. In fact, every time a friend disappears, I find out that they are having a hard time. I see a pattern and I’ve stopped taking it personally. If a friend isn’t making an effort. If you are feeling bad about something in regards to a family member or a friend. I want you to remember that they may have something going on that has nothing to do with you.
Stop wasting time making up stories and making yourself feel bad. Find a way to make yourself feel better. Once you are aware that you are doing it, I want you to take steps to do something about it.
Examples:
You are worried that you aren’t making enough money. Then be proactive and go after a new job or ask for a raise. Solve your problems.
You are worried that a friend is upset with you. Reach out and ask them. Tell them you miss them and wonder how they are doing. Make a step in a better direction.
I want you to make a deal with yourself. Here are some examples of good deals you can make that I have tested out for you:
Allow yourself to overthink for a time limit. I will be done thinking about this in five minutes and then I will move on with my day. Then follow through and set the time limit.
I will allow myself to think about this for three more minutes and then I am going to take a step to do something proactive about this.
I am going to vent it all out in my journal and then I will move on. I will think about this again tomorrow at X time. Until then I will not think about this.
I am going to call my friend and tell her all my thoughts. I will allow her to help me and then I will move forward to the next thing in my day.
I have also learned along the way that we can parent ourselves. When you are feeling stressed. When you are overthinking. When your mind goes deep down into the gutters. I want you to reassure and comfort yourself just like you would for your own child. I have a wonderful mom. I have also realized that I can be my own mom. I can be sweet, loving, comforting and reassuring to myself. I want you to give it a try.
I have tried all these methods and can give you solid proof that they can work for you. I also know others who have tried these methods. I want you to keep an open mind and find out what works for you. One may work better for you than other methods and you may discover another tool that works for you.
We have talked about some tips to help you spend less time overthinking. I would like to completely eliminate it for you, but even some improvement will make you feel so much better.
I also want you all to know if a problem does occur. If something comes up that you have worried about or that you haven’t worried about. I want you to have confidence in yourself that you will be able to handle whatever it is. I want you to catch yourself doing hard things every day. This will build your confidence and help you realize that as problems and things in your day occur, that you showed yourself that you figured it out. I have faith in all of you.
I also know how resourceful moms are. I know that if you don’t figure it out that you will find someone who can help you, your spouse, your child, your family member or your friend.
Moms can do really hard things. I see moms do hard things every day. This is for moms everywhere to help you have faith in yourself, believe in yourself, and put the overthinking down. You deserve peace of mind. You deserve a clear happy mind. Go after the type of thinking that you want to have all day. I want to live in a happy peaceful place all day. I would love to invite you all to join me.
Laughing, Learning, Loving, and Celebrating!!!
Rebecca Greene, LCSW-R
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